


Accepting The Love We Think We Deserve

by HannahNuhh



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: AU Shadowhunters, Angst, Body Image, Car Accidents, Domestic Violence, Eating Disorders, Emotional Abuse, Family Death, Family Loss, Gay Character, Hurt, Losing Family, M/M, Magnus the hero, Male on Male, Malec, One Shot, Physical Abuse, Rape, Relationshipstakeeffort, Romance, Sexual Abuse, Short Story, Smut, Team Malec, Verbal Abuse, Violence, alec angst, alec lightwood - Freeform, domestic abuse, magnus bane - Freeform, relationship angst, violent relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-02-25 15:28:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 22,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22498354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HannahNuhh/pseuds/HannahNuhh
Summary: Sometimes relationships take effort, and sometimes we find ourselves in relationships that aren't right for us. Alec Lightwood is about to realise his pairing isn't quite what he was looking for, but luckily the right man is just around the corner - or behind a bar...
Relationships: Malec - Relationship
Comments: 77
Kudos: 278
Collections: Malec





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! 
> 
> This fanfic is being made up completely on the spot, so the chapters might take a while to be written! I love Shadowhunters and after watching the series for the third time and reading lots of Male fiction, I wanted to write this short fic! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy! x

The windows were steamed up as Magnus and Clary worked together serving food to the customers. It's a cold winter in New York this year, and business was booming. Magnus was coming back from the kitchen as he saw two men come into the restaurant. 

"Good afternoon gentlemen, are you looking for lunch today?" Magnus asked with a welcoming smile.

"Yeah, can we sit by the window?" the blonde man asked with little expression. 

"Of course, follow me." Magnus lead the couple into the restaurant holding the menus in his hands. He pulled out the first chair and indicated for the men to take a seat whilst he placed the menus on the table. "I'll let you two look at the menus and I'll come back to take a drinks order" Magnus smiled and walked away. 

The two men smiled and began chatting between them. They were good looking in Magnus' opinion, but potentially entitled in the way the blonde spoke. As he was thinking this, the blonde confirmed it by raising his hand and clicking his fingers towards Magnus. 

Magnus doesn't take kindly to people who click at him like a dog so he bowed his head over the reservation diary, pretending not to have noticed, and made them wait a moment or two. He took a deep breath and walked over to their table to take their order and then programmed it into the till; a pint for the blonde and a coke for the brunette. 

The barmaid pulled the pint and placed both drinks on the tray for Magnus to take to the table. He did this with ease, he has worked in this place for many years now and was confident with holding trays of drinks with one palm on the base of the tray. He placed the coke down in front of the brunette but as he walked to the other side to give the pint to the blond, a man on the table behind him pushed his chair out and knocked his arm. the pint wobbled off the tray and fell into the blonds lap. 

Magnus gasped, and began apologising at once, but the blond jumped up and a rage took over him. 

"Are you stupid?! Look at what you've done! How dare you?!" He shouted at Magnus whilst trying to brush off the drink. 

"Again, I am so sorry sir, let me get you a towel and I'll bring you over another pint" Magnus started to back away. 

"Another one? What so you can pour that over me too?! Are you special or something? I want to speak to your manager, people like you shouldn't be allowed near people like me!" 

"Steve, that's enough." The brunette spoke quietly but firmly. It was the first time Magnus had heard him speak since he arrived. 

"You what?! Look at me! It's a joke!" Steve turned to him with a glare. 

"It was an accident, let him get you another drink. It'll soon dry." the brunette tried to smooth out the ordeal, but Steve wasn't having any of it. 

"No, I'm done. I'm going home to change. And I'm not paying for those drinks either!" He stormed out of the restaurant, barging against Magnus with his shoulder. 

The brunette stood with a sigh. "I'm so sorry about him, it was an accident, please don't let him make you feel bad". He had a very sympathetic look on his face and Magnus instantly felt more at ease. 

"It's okay, I really am sorry." Magnus tried to appeal. 

"I know, look, here's the money for the drinks. I better go catch up with him." 

The man left the restaurant before Magnus had a chance to reply, leaving him standing there with a tenner; which was far too much for the two drinks. His eyes followed the brunette running along the street to catch up to his boyfriend, and he sighed. At least some people are kind. 

Magnus placed the change in the tip jar and carried on his shift. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few weeks passed, and Magnus continued to work hard, enjoying his job in the restaurant. It wasn't easy, but it paid well, the tips were good, and usually the customers were relatively friendly. He was opening up the restaurant today, turning on the coffee machine and laying up the tables. He heard the door open behind him, and called "good morning" to the early bird entering the restaurant. 

"Morning," the voice said behind him and Magnus turned around to see the brunette standing before him from the other week. 

"Ahh, hello again. Are you here for food? The kitchen doesn't open until 12 I'm afraid." Magnus said with a smile.

"No, just a coffee if that's okay?" he replied. 

Magnus nodded and headed to the coffee machine, "that I can do" he smiled. 

Magnus eyed the man standing patiently as he made the coffee. There was a hint of a bruise on his cheek and he silently wondered if he'd been in a fight. 

"Is your boyfriend okay after the incident the other week?" 

"Oh, uh yeah. Don't worry about him. He just gets angry sometimes." A ghost of a smile appears on his face that makes Magnus feel uneasy. 

"I'm Magnus by the way," as he hands over the coffee. 

"A-Alec," he replies with a lopsided smile. 

"Nice to meet you Alec." 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Magnus finds himself seeing more of Alec over the next few weeks, who comes in for a coffee and sits by the window reading. They make small talk whilst Magnus makes the coffee, and Alec always leaves with a smile and a 'thank you'.  
Occasionally Magnus notices little marks or injuries on Alec. A cut lip, a scratch on the neck, finger marks around his wrist... But Magnus never says anything. He can't jump to conclusions and he can't be nosey. He's just a waiter. 

On weekdays in February, the restaurant is a lot quieter. It's the quiet season for them and they don't see many customers during the day. One morning, Alec finds himself to be the only customer in the restaurant, and he decides to sit closer to the bar so he can carry on his conversation with Magnus. They've been slowly learning more about each other with every visit. He's learnt that Magnus lives alone, owning his own apartment in Brooklyn, he has a cat that sounds more spoilt than anyone else he's ever known, and he loves to dance. 

Magnus has learnt a lot less about Alec, who always seems to play his cards close to his chest. Alec lives with his boyfriend, Steve. They don't have any pets or children, but Alec has always liked the idea of adopting one day. Alec works in a bar in the evenings and so he spends most of his days walking, in the gym, or reading here. Steve works during the day as an accountant and so they only see each other on the weekends and in the early evenings before Alec goes to work. Alec talks of Steve lovingly, but sometimes his eyes gloss over and he loses himself in a memory. Magnus has noticed this, but hasn't pointed it out; afraid that it'll discourage Alec from opening up to him. 

Today, Magnus perched against the bar as he continued to talk to Alec. With nobody else in the restaurant, they felt more comfortable and began laughing with each other. Magnus felt it was nice to see Alec laugh. Usually he spoke with such a seriousness in his voice, but when he laughed, his eyes sparkled, and crinkled in the corners. Magnus thought it was the most beautiful sight he'd ever seen. 

Alec excused himself as he stood to go to the loo. He had left his phone on the table, and whilst he was away, the screen lit up to show 'Steve <3' was calling. Magnus glanced at the phone when he heard the buzz, and looked towards the doors of the bathroom. He decided to wait until Alec was back. Alec smiled towards him as he walked back to the table, and Magnus remembered to tell him about the missed call. 

"Oh, your phone rang while you were in the bathroom," he said with a smile. 

Alec looked at his phone and his face fell when he saw who had called him. His phone began ringing again and he answered it straight away. Even with the volume on the normal setting, Magnus could still hear both sides of the call; "WHERE WERE YOU?!" He heard shout through the phone. 

"I'm sorry, I went to the toilet, I forgot to take my phone with me. Are you okay?" Alec said with a shake in his voice. 

The response was quieter this time, and Magnus couldn't make out the words. 

"Please don't shout, I'm sorry, I'll come home now." Alec said, lowering his voice to try and hide the conversation from Magnus. Unsuccessfully, as Magnus wasn't far away enough. 

Alec ended the call and stood, scrambling with his book to put it in his rucksack. "Is everything okay?" Magnus asked. 

"Uh, yeah, it's fine, I just have to go. Thanks for the coffee," Alec said quickly, dropping a fiver on the table and running out the door. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Magnus kept expecting to see Alec for his regular coffee and reading sessions, but to his concern Alec didn't appear for over two weeks. Not knowing Alec's surname or address, Magnus couldn't even call to check in. He carried on as usual, but couldn't rid the nagging feeling that something was off. 

At the end of the third week, Magnus was opening up the restaurant when a figure caught his eye. It was Alec opening the door, and to Magnus' concerned surprise, he was using crutches to walk. 

"Oh Alec, what happened?" Magnus said in a gasp. 

"Oh, I uh, fell down the stairs at home. It was silly really, I was rushing and lost my balance." Alec avoided eye contact, and took a seat. He heaved a sigh of relief as he let go of the crutches. 

"The usual?" Magnus asked. 

With a nod, Alec smiled at Magnus and he noticed another faint bruise around his right eye. 

Frowning, Magnus interrogated; "what happened to your eye?" 

Alec looked at the table and then to his book. "Oh it happened at the same time. I must've caught my face on the corner of a step or something." 

Not believing Alec, but not wanting to push, Magnus just continued to froth the milk for Alec's coffee. 

He then continued his shift like usual, with occasional small talk with Alec. 

When Alec started to pack away his things to leave, Magnus decided to be bold. "Alec, can I give you my number?" 

Alec's eyebrows shot up and he looked at Magnus and asked, "why?". 

"Just incase you ever need anyone to talk to. I'm always here to talk Alec." Magnus said looking directly into Alec's eyes with a serious but friendly face. 

Alec looked down and bit his lip. "Uhm, okay, yeah I guess." 

Magnus handed him a piece of paper with his number on and Alec folded it up and put it in his book like a bookmark. He then finished packing his bag and waved bye to Magnus. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was Saturday morning, and Magnus had a day off after a week of straight shifts. He was catching up on some much needed sleep when his phone buzzed with an unknown number.  
He groaned and sat up, ready to take the call. 

"Hello?" Magnus' voice was still raw from the sleep. 

"Magnus? I'm sorry to call, but I didn't know who else to speak to" Alec's voice came through on the other end. 

"Alec?" 

"Yeah, uhm, can you help me?" 

"what's wrong?" Magnus began getting out of bed and finding some jeans to pull on. 

"I uh, I need a lift to the hospital. I can't drive and I can't afford to call an ambulance."

"I'll be right there. Text me your address" Magnus pulled a patterned sweater over his head and pushed his feet into his boots. He grabbed his keys, hung up the phone and made his way out to his car. 

Alec text him the address and he was there in under fifteen minutes. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alec opened the door to Magnus, clutching his side and leaning on the wall to hold him up. There was a large bruise on his upper arm and a dark bruise on his cheekbone. Magnus gasped when he saw Alec's appearance and instantly rushed to him, wrapping his arm around his waist to help hold him up. 

"Oh my god, Alec! What happened?!" 

"I uh, I got in the way and uh, Steve got angry. He didn't mean to, I just, I thought I'd be okay but it really hurts, and he's gone to the pub and I can't drive like this, and I didn't know who to call, and I'm sorry to annoy you, I didn't even ask if you had plans, do you have plans? I'm sorry, if you do you can go, I'll be fine, I just need to get to the hospital, I should've called a taxi..." 

"Alec!" Magnus cut off Alec's rambling, "stop being silly, I told you I was here for you. Let me help you. Steve did this?" 

"Yeah, he gets angry sometimes. He can't help it." Alec looked down, playing with the hem on his top. 

"Let me take a look at you, are you bleeding anywhere?" 

"I don't think so, it's usually just bruises, but my ribs really hurt." Alec lifted his top and Magnus could see the dark bruising that had already developed around his side. It looked bad. 

Magnus helped Alec into the car, trying not to hurt him anymore. Alec tried not to show any pain, but couldn't help wincing as he bent to sit. 

Magnus drove to the hospital as fast as he legally could. When he opened the door for Alec, he realised the colouring of his skin was greying. Alec looked pale and grey and there was a film of sweat over him. He was shivering and clutching his side. Magnus helped him out of the car and quickly realised Alec had grown weaker during the car journey. He stumbled as he stood and Magnus held him up with an arm around his waist. 

"I've got you, careful now" Magnus eased. 

Alec shuffled to the entrance of A&E and as they made their way through the doors, his foot caught on the ground and he fell, bringing Magnus with him. 

Magnus landed with an "oof" and turned to Alec who lay on the ground limp. "Help! I need help over here!" He shouted towards the desk and two A&E staff came running to them. The got Alec on a stretcher and took as much information from Magnus as they could. They rushed him into theatre and told Magnus to wait. 

Magnus waited for hours, surrounded by other families waiting to hear news about their loved ones. He thought about the times Alec had come into the restaurant with injuries and all those chances Magnus had had to say something. He felt responsible for this. He could've stopped it. He could've helped Alec. 

Magnus decided to call the police to report this. He needed to try and save Alec, and stop this from happening again. So whilst he waited to hear news on Alec, he rang the station and reported it as domestic abuse. He gave a description of Steve and a statement about what had happened and what he had witnessed previously. The police thanked him for the information and said they may be in touch if they needed anything else. Then Magnus was back to waiting. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

Alec woke up surrounded by white curtains and steady beeping of machines. He touched his side, remembering the pain that was there. He no longer felt pain, in fact he felt rather mellow. He looked at his arm and saw the tubes going from him to the bags hanging above his head. He was safe here. 

Magnus was lead in to the cubicle by a nurse, and he took his seat next to Alec's bed. 

"Alec, how are you feeling?" He reached out and touched Alec's hand. 

"Much better, thanks to you" Alec said sleepily. He was still drowsy from whatever medication he had been given. 

"Alec, I need you to know, you are safe now. I've reported Steve, he'll be sent to prison for assault." 

Alec's eyes opened a little wider, he tried to push himself up; "you did what?! Who did you report him to? What did you say!?" Panic filled his eyes.

Magnus frowned, "I rang the police. I told them what had happened and who did it. Why? What's wrong?" 

"Oh my God," a shaky hand came up to shield Alec's tearful eyes, "you don't understand, he's friends with half the force, there's no way that report got processed. They'll tell him. They'll tell him what you said. You've just made everything worse!" Alec's hand came down to slam his palm against the mattress in a panic-filled anger. 

"What? No! Alec, that can't be true, they can't do that, it's their job to protect people like you." Magnus tried to reassure him. 

"I need to get out of here. I need you to leave. Leave me alone, you've made it worse, I can't believe this!" Alec pushed him away, and pressed the emergency button by his bed. 

A nurse came in to see what was wrong and Alec told her to get Magnus out. She nodded and asked Magnus to leave, he wasn't family so he shouldn't really be visiting anyway. 

Magnus begrudgingly left, lead by security after refusing to leave at first. 

He sat in the car, wondering what to do. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! It's been a busy week! Hope you enjoy the new chapter.

Magnus decided to wait in the car to see if Alec needed a ride home after being discharged. Instead, he watched as Alec was lead out of the building by Steve who had a firm grip on his arm. Magnus noticed the red rimmed eyes of Alec and he saw the angry look in Steve's face. He had to intervene this time. He couldn't just watch Alec get hurt anymore. 

He took a deep breath and opened his car door. Stepping out, he pushed his shoulders back and hoped he looked a little taller and more confident than he felt. Magnus slammed the car door and began walking over to the couple. Alec's eyes widened in horror as he saw who was approaching. He shook his head, trying to communicate and deter Magnus from what ever his plan was. Steve looked up at who dared to be in his way, snarling as he saw Magnus's confrontational form. 

"Move!" Steve growled. 

"No, Alec's coming with me." Magnus tried to hide the shake in his voice, giving a calm front behind his racing mind. 

"You what?! Who the hell are you?" Steve's snarl somehow became even more predator-like. He looked at Alec confused and then returned his questioning frown to Magnus. Recognition dawned on him, you could see it in his eyes. 

"Oh. My. God. You have got to be kidding me. Is this who you've been sneaking off with?! Are you serious?! You've been whoring it up with this rat?!" Steve had developed a dark red tint to his face as his anger boiled over. He shoved Alec to the ground, causing a loud groan to escape Alec's mouth. His delicate ribs feeling the force of the concrete underneath him, he laid there with his eyes scrunched up. 

"Alec!" Magnus tried to reach out but Steve was blocking any hope of catching Alec. Magnus's temper began to rise, and he pushed Steve hard to break the distance between him and Alec. Steve, being a lot more solid than Magnus barely moved, but that didn't deter Magnus. He formed a fist in his right hand and swung with all his strength towards Steve's nose and cheek. 

The contact could be felt rippling from his knuckles to his shoulder, and he silently swore at how much that hurt. Magnus was not a violent person, he was physically fit, but much to peaceful to put any muscles into combat practice. Steve's hands came up to hold his nose, which was spilling blood down his chin. He was about to swing his own punch as a security member from the hospital who had seen the fight break out, reached them and restrained Steve's arms behind his back. Shouting out in anger and protest, Steve tried to release the grip and hurt Magnus but he was being dragged away instead. 

With Steve no longer posing threat, Magnus rushed to Alec's side and cradled his shivering body. 

"Alec, darling are you okay?" Panic filled Magnus's voice as the adrenaline began to wear off. 

"You came back for me?" Alec asked in disbelief. He couldn't understand why Magnus had just protected him against Steve after the awful way Alec had reacted to him earlier. 

"Of course I did. I couldn't leave you alone with that monster. Especially if I have made this worse for you. I'm sorry Alec for not talking to you first. I just wanted you to be safe and I thought I was doing the right thing." Magnus reached out and brushed Alec's curly fringe away from his eyes. Those beautiful eyes. 

They gradually stood up, wincing when Alec groaned at the change of position. 

"Do you need to be checked out again? That fall could've made everything worse," Magnus began to worry for Alec's health. An impact like that is bound to have disrupted his ribs healing. 

"Yeah, that might be a good idea" Alec half laughed, half groaned. 

They hobbled over to the A&E entrance once again. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alec met Magnus out in the waiting area. His ribs were bruised but luckily there was no sign of fractures. He had to take it easy for a few days before putting any pressure on them again. 

But Alec faced his next dilemma. Where could he go now? He didn't have any family in New York, and he certainly couldn't go home back to Steve. He was mentally brainstorming places that he could camp out at for a few days, the homeless shelters, that really cheap motel that he could probably afford for a couple of nights, and maybe if a push, his car in a secluded car park. 

He was about to thank Magnus and bid him farewell, when Magnus reached out and pulled him back to face him. 

"Wait, where are you going to go? You can't go back home to him!" Magnus looked horrified at the possibility. 

"It's okay, I'm not going back to him. I'll figure it out, there's always options." Alec tried to sound optimistic. 

"No way, you're coming with me." Magnus said firmly. 

He wove their fingers together in a secure hold and began leading Alec towards the car. He wasn't about to lose Alec again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus takes Alec in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I'm back! Life got a little crazy and I really regret not making time to write some more FF. However, now this isolations hit us, I'm only working 4 days a week, so I have a bit more time for this. I hope you like the next chapter. Comment below what things you would like to see happen in this fiction - I need some ideas!!

They arrived back at Magnus’s apartment and Alec raised his eyebrows in a shocked manner as he took a look inside. “Wow, you really know how to decorate,” Alec said, impressed at the décor that Magnus had so brilliantly created in what would’ve been an ordinary flat if anyone else had resided there.

Magnus smirked, proud of his home, and replied with a “thank you Alexander”.

Alec’s head swung round, “Alexander?”.

With wide eyes, Magnus realised he had slipped up and called him by his full name. “Is it okay to call you that?” he hesitated.

“Yeah, I guess! I always hated being called Alexander, but when you said it, you made it actually sound nice,” Alec laughed awkwardly and looked down to avoid Magnus’s gaze. He scratched the back of his neck and Magnus could see a hint of blush on Alec’s chiselled cheekbones.

“Well in that case, Alexander, I think I’ll use it more often,” Magnus said with a wink that caused Alec’s blush to deepen.

Magnus was going to enjoy thinking of ways to recreate this adorable version of Alec, the sight of him melted his heart. Shaking these thoughts from his head, Magnus lead Alec to his bedroom where he would be staying. Magnus only thought it right that Alec sleep in a proper bed while his ribs were healing. Magnus would take the couch. He has spent the occasional drunken night passed out on the couch before, and he knew it was comfortable enough to bare with.

Alec tried to argue against the gesture, saying that he was the guest and Magnus shouldn’t give up his bed for him. But Magnus was having none of it and in the end Alec sighed, and gave him his genuine thanks. The only thanks Magnus needed was the beautiful lopsided smile that came after.

* * *

Magnus ordered Chinese for them both, and they sat on the couch while they ate. Alec rang the bar and told his boss, Maia, he had been signed off for a week due to his wounds. She was okay with it; it’s not the first time Alec’s missed work from injuries. She was just glad to hear that he was staying with a friend and would be safe. She didn’t know exactly what had been going on with Alec, but she could tell that his boyfriend was bad news.

Alec hung up and stretched his arms up while still sitting on the sofa. Magnus watched as he winced and dropped his arms quickly after, “ow” Alec let out with a laugh.

A ghost of a smile was visible on Magnus’ face, but he was too busy planning his next question to Alec; “Alec, understand that you don’t need to tell me anything you don’t feel comfortable talking about, but I need to ask you…” he paused as Alec’s eyes full of concern met his. “What happened?”.

Looking away, Alec let out a small breath. “Steve found the piece of paper that you had given me and when I tried to take it from him and tell him it was nothing to worry about and that you were just a friend, he snapped.” Alec was pinching the skin in between his thumb and finger, not making eye contact as he continued. “He called me a slut, and said that he didn’t know how I managed to find someone else that could put up with me. I was disgusting and that you must have been blind to find me attractive. And that he needed to teach me that I was his and nobody else’s…” Magnus heard a sniff and instinctively put his hand over Alec’s. "He grabbed a rolling pin from the draw and hurled it at my head, and when I hit the floor, he kicked me in the ribs until I coughed up blood. I didn’t know how to stop him, I just kept begging for him to stop and he wouldn’t.”  
By now, Alec was sobbing long jagged breaths. Magnus could sense the panic radiating from Alec’s slumped, shuddering body, and knew he had to calm him down quickly to avoid a panic attack.

Kneeling down to face Alec, a hand on either knee, he spoke reassuringly to him. His voice was soft and calm, yet had a firmness that demanded to be listened to. Alec looked up with wide watery eyes as he heard Magnus speak. Together, they took in deep measured breaths until Alec’s returned to normal. Using the end of his sleeve, Magnus wiped the remaining tears from Alec’s cheeks.

“You’re safe now Alec. He can’t get you as long as I’m here.”

Alec nodded and held onto Magnus’s hand for security. Magnus continued to sit on the floor in front of Alec, knowing that he needed this moment of calm. Alec broke the silence a few minutes later with a large yawn, and Magnus smirked; “I think it’s time for bed, don’t you?”.

Nodding, Alec stood up with Magnus and they headed to the bedroom. Magnus needed clothes to change into, and he gave Alec some spare sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt.

* * *

That night seemed to drag for Magnus. Struggling to sleep, he sat up on the sofa with the blanket pooling around his waist. He kept replaying what Alec had told him in his head, imagining the scenes of him being beaten, and blaming himself. If he hadn’t given Alec his number, none of this would’ve happened. But then, if he hadn’t given him his number, Alec wouldn’t have been able to call him for help… Sighing, Magnus went to lie back down, before hearing a shout from his bedroom. He rose onto his feet and listened again, he could hear Alec shouting “no” and he ran to the door, not pausing to knock.

Alec was thrashing around the bed, his body tense and his hands in fists. He looked like he was fighting off an invisible man and was shouting at him to stop hurting him. Magnus immediately knew he was having a nightmare about Steve, and rushed to the side of the bed to try and wake Alec up.

“Alexander, Alec! Wake up! It’s okay, you’re safe Alexander, you’re safe now, wake up, it’s just a dream, Alexander!” Grabbing Alec’s shoulders, Magnus’s words grew louder as he tried to get through to Alec.

With a gasp, Alec’s eyes flew open, and his hands grabbed and held on to Magnus’s wrists.

“It’s okay Alexander, it was just a nightmare, you’re safe here, I promise”.

Alec nodded, scrunching his eyes up to try and rid the last memory of his nightmare. He loosened the grip on Magnus, and whispered a “sorry”. Magnus shook his head slightly and told him it was okay. As Magnus went to leave, Alec reached out and caught his hand.

“Don’t leave, please!”

Magnus turned around and nodded, seeing the pools of tears in Alec’s eyes and the fear that took over his face. He perched on the side of the bed as Alec shuffled over and let him lie down facing him. Alec closed his eyes, and feeling the reassurance of each other’s presence they both drifted back to sleep.

* * *

Alec had stayed with Magnus for a week, and was becoming more confident around him. He was beginning to laugh, crack jokes, and become his usual self. Magnus was so relieved to see this version of Alec again; he was enjoying the company after spending so long living on his own with just his cat to talk to. His cat, Chairman Meow, also loved Alec’s presence, and spent a lot of time cuddled with him on the sofa.

Alec felt like he belonged here. Magnus had made him so welcome, and was so kind to let him stay here. But he knew it wouldn’t last forever and that eventually, he’d have to find his own place to stay. He knew he couldn’t go back to Steve, but he did need his belongings from their flat. And after tomorrow, he would be going back to work, back to the real world, his real life. The dread weighed him down as he thought about it.

Magnus noticed the change in Alec’s mood, and went over to see if he was okay. Alec was about to lie, deflect the conversation and play it off as Magnus’s imagination, but looking at Magnus, he knew he could trust him. He had to be honest.

“I guess I’m just dreading going back to real life…” He said with a insecure laugh.

Magnus frowned, “what do you mean?”

“Well, I’ll be going back to work after tomorrow, and I need to look for somewhere to live. And I need to get my stuff from the old flat.” He dragged a hand through his mass of black curls and sighed. “It’s been so nice here, I haven’t felt so light in so long!”

“I have a proposition.” Magnus said quietly, looking up to meet Alec’s eyes. “You don’t have to say yes, or feel pressured to answer straight away, okay?”

Alec nodded, his eyebrows raising.

“What if you stayed here? You could pay a bit of rent, but it wouldn’t be nearly as expensive as finding a place of your own. You could have my office as a bedroom, or keep my room and I’ll swap with you? Chairman Meow would really miss you… I know I would too.” He murmured the last bit, but knew Alec could still hear him.

Waiting for a response, he chanced a glance at Alec who hadn’t seemed to move. Magnus could see the cogs whirring behind Alec’s eyes as he took in everything Magnus had just proposed. He could see him weighing the pros and cons, and lastly, he could see him swallow as he thought about how to reply.

“Magnus… I, I don’t think you’d want me here for ever.” He said in a low steady voice. “I’m loud, and I’d get in the way, and I’d annoy you-“

“I’m not him.” Magnus cut through Alec’s reply. “I’m not going to hurt you Alexander. You aren’t any of those things; it’s just what he told you. It’s not true.” He tried to make his voice firm and controlled but it reality he just sounded angry at what Alec thought about himself.

Alec flinched at the sound of conflict. “I can’t ask you to put up with me for so long Magnus,” he whispered.

“Please, Alexander. I’ve enjoyed this week so much. I never realised how lonely I was until you. Please don’t leave. Not yet.”

As they spoke, their bodies drew nearer and nearer until Magnus could reach out and hold his hand. He squeezed gently, emphasizing that he didn’t want Alec to leave.

Alec looked deeply into his eyes, searching for their truth. He nodded minutely, and whispered a small “okay”. Magnus’s face lit up at the news and his arms flung around Alec’s neck to hug him. “Thank you”.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec might have escaped the physical grasp of Steve, but what about the psychological one?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning *** There's talk of eating disorders and verbal abuse ***

Magnus went with Alec to get some of his things from the old apartment. Alec said it would be best to do it during the day while Steve was at work. As they drew nearer the building, Alec started breathing heavier and Magnus noticed him pinching his hand again – clearly a nervous tick for Alec. Magnus reached out and held his hand tightly, reminding Alec that he wasn’t going to do this alone. They got to the front door and Alec pressed his ear against it to listen for signs of life. Concluding that the apartment was empty, Alec unlocked the door and stepped inside. Magnus followed and glanced around the small dark apartment.

It wasn’t what he had pictured for Alec. He had expected modern, clean lines and black furniture. But this apartment was very plain, with old furniture that looked like it had come from charity shops. Everything was mismatched, but lacking in character. It was also messy, the table full of takeout containers and empty beer bottles.

“Steve must’ve stopped cooking.” Alec looked back at Magnus apologetically.

Magnus tried to keep his face neutral. He had no right to judge Alec on this place. He had a strong feeling this was all Steve’s taste. Or lack of taste…

Alec continued through to the bedroom and let out a loud gasp. All of his clothes had been pulled out of the wardrobe and torn up. It looked like Steve had taken a pair of scissors to everything that Alec owned. Magnus followed Alec in, and looked at the heap of rags left on the floor and put his arm around Alec. He felt Alec’s shoulders slump.

“It’s okay Alexander, we can buy you some new clothes. A new start needs new clothing, don’t you think?” Magnus tried to push in some optimism on this dismal situation.

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right.” Alec murmured.

He backed out of the room and headed towards a hallway cupboard. Opening it up, he knelt on the ground and pulled the hoover out. Magnus frowned, thinking Alec had gone momentarily insane and was about to clean up after this monster. He was about to question it when Alec then crawled further into the cupboard and pulled out a cardboard shoebox from the furthest corner. It was covered in dust and looked tattered. Alec held it close to his chest and stood up.

“Right, let’s go.” He said firmly, and headed for the door.

Magnus wondered what was in the box. “Do you not need anything else Alec? Are you sure that’s it?

“This is all I need now. Like you said, a new start is needed.”

They left the apartment and Alec felt a weight off his shoulders, knowing he’d never be coming back.

* * *

Alec had put the box in Magnus’s room, under the bed. Magnus hadn’t questioned it. He had the feeling that something in the box meant a great deal to Alec. The fact that it was at the back of that hallway cupboard suggested it was important enough to hide from Steve, and he hoped that one day Alec would trust him enough to share it with him.  
Magnus suggested a Dominoes takeaway for dinner. And he went online to choose his half of the meal. He chose a medium pepperoni and some chicken strips. Sitting down next to Alec on the couch, he handed him the laptop for his half of the order.

Alec ordered a large vegetarian pizza, wedges, garlic bread, chicken strips, and cookies. And then was about to confirm the order when Magnus, watching over his shoulder said; “blimey Alec, you’re gonna be the size of a house after that!” with a laugh.

Alec’s stomach clenched. He thought about the times Steve had told him he was fat and disgusting and should lose some weight so he’d be attractive again.

“Yeah you’re right, that’s way too much” he said with a fake laugh, trying to pretend like the comment didn’t hurt him to his very core. He went to the basket and removed everything until just the pizza was left. “I’d never eat it all anyway”.

Magnus chuckled, unaware of what his words had caused.

They watched TV as they waited for the food.

By the time the food had arrived, Alec had lost his appetite. The past comments from Steve were still stuck in his head, and all he could think was that he’d gained so much weight since living with Magnus. He’d stopped thinking about restricting his diet, without Steve’s horrid reminders. And now he regretted every mouthful he had taken this week. He must look so fat. And in front of Magnus!

Mortified, Alec ate two slices and then put the lid back on the pizza box. Magnus tilted his head, “are you done already?”, his mouth full of pizza as he spoke.

Alec envied Magnus. How could he eat so much and yet continue to look so beautiful? His body was amazing, and compared to Alec; he looked like a powerful athlete.

“Yeah, I’m really not feeling this pizza.” Alec played it off. “I’m just gonna go to the bathroom.“

Knowing that the TV was loud enough to drown out any sound, Alec entered the bathroom, locked the door, and knelt in front of the toilet. This was such a familiar action to him, and yet it felt like a lifetime ago that he had last done it. He pushed his fingers to the back of his throat and felt the usual sensation of all those mistakes rushing up through his throat.

Magnus looked at the pizza box Alec had left on the table. He frowned; how could Alec go from ordering half the entire menu to only eating two slices of pizza? He went to check if Alec was okay, thinking maybe his ribs were hurting him and putting him off eating. His footsteps stopped dead as he heard the sound of someone throwing up. Concerned that Alec was ill, he knocked on the door.  
“Hang on, I’ll be out in a minute!” Alec called. He had tried to sound normal, but the burn at the back of his throat had made his voice raspy.

“Are you okay Alexander?” Magnus was still stood outside the bathroom.

“Yeah I guess the pizza didn’t agree with me, that’s all.” He rinsed his mouth out and opened the door. His face looked calm and casual. Nothing was wrong – on the outside. On the inside, he was panicking that Magnus had sussed out what was going on.

“Okay, well maybe don’t eat anything else tonight then. Let your stomach settle.” Magnus replied as he rubbed Alec’s back. “Do you want to stay up a bit longer or try and sleep it off?”

“Sleep sounds good.”

They said their goodnights, and Alec headed to Magnus’s old office that they had temporarily reorganised to make space for a spare bed. Magnus was sleeping in his bedroom again. He was relieved that he was finally able to get some proper sleep after the uncomfortable week on the couch!

* * *

Looking at his reflection in the full-length mirror, Alec pinched his skin. All he could see was his curved tummy, the fat on his arms, the fat on his thighs, and his second chin. He hated his body. It would never look fit or sexy. He would never be attractive, or handsome, or beautiful. He would always be fat and disgusting, just like Steve told him.

Alec lay in his bed with silent tears falling down his cheeks. He thought he was free from Steve’s hold, but it seemed as if he would never be able to escape the words that were embedded in his head.

He put his hands over his ears as he tried to quieten the voices that told him he wasn’t good enough. Eventually he found himself lulling into a restless sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emotions. So many emotions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, it's a shorter chapter, but hopefully you'll approve!

When Alec woke, he could already hear Magnus moving around the apartment. The sunlight was seeping through the blinds and he squinted at his phone and saw he’d actually slept in a little later than usual – probably due to his restless sleep. Still feeling tired; he sat up and looked over to the mirror on the wall. He felt empty after ridding his stomach of its contents yesterday so he went over to the mirror, taking his top off and looking down at himself. Even with his effort last night, he still looked overweight. He turned to the side, moving his hand down his stomach as if he could magically flatten it. He tried breathing in and holding it, thinking that was an improvement. But as he relaxed, it just caved back out and he sighed. Alec pinched the fat around his hip bone as Magnus burst through the door with a wide grin on his face. 

“Magnus?! Stop! Get out!” Alec blurted out in a mix of shock and horror. He quickly grabbed the pyjama top and held it over his torso. 

Magnus looked surprised at the reaction and quickly looked down, feeling like he’d caught Alec completely naked, even though he wasn’t. Confused, his face lost the grin and he quickly apologised; “I’m so sorry Alexander, I was coming to let you know I’d made pancakes for breakfast and they’re on the table. I should’ve knocked, I’ll let you get ready, sorry”. 

He backed out of the room and felt guilty for invading Alec’s privacy. He’d never known another guy to act like that when they were just shirtless. Naked? Sure! But not shirtless. Heck, he walks around the apartment all the time with just workout shorts on. He wondered what had gotten Alec so spooked. 

Around ten minutes later, Alec sheepishly crept out of his room. He saw Magnus sipping coffee at the table and approached him, looking at the ground. 

“Magnus, I’m really sorry for shouting at you. I was just really surprised and panicked. Please don’t be mad.” 

Magnus looked up at Alec’s face and saw the guilt and worry. He heart melted, this boy has been through so much trauma, of course barging into his room is going to panic him. Magnus suddenly felt awful, thinking he understood why Alec had freaked out. 

“Alexander, it’s okay really. I promise to knock from now on, okay?” 

“Okay.” Alec smiled, looking up at him. 

He sat down at the table and Magnus handed him a plate with a stack of five pancakes. On the table were blueberries and syrup. Alec loved pancakes, and his tummy grumbled at the delicious scent wafting towards him. He knew he had to restrain himself, and there was no way he could eat all five. Maybe just one would be okay, and some blueberries. 

He scooped out a handful of blueberries and ate one at a time, slowly savouring the bursts of flavour as he bit into each one. Magnus had gone back to sipping his coffee and reading a magazine so he wasn’t paying much attention to Alec’s eating luckily. Alec decided against the syrup, thinking it would be too many calories to try and burn off. Instead, he picked up his knife and fork and broke the pancake into tiny pieces. Taking each piece slowly to his mouth, his tongue caught it and relished in the taste. These were possibly the best pancakes Alec had ever eaten, even better than his mothers. He felt a stab of sorrow at the thought of his mother, but quickly pushed it down. 

Once Alec had finished the pancake, he put his knife and fork down and stood up to stretch before his run. Now that his ribs have healed, he could get back into running and hopefully burn off more of the weight he’d gained since leaving Steve. Magnus looked up at him, surprised he’d finished so quickly, when he realised the pancakes were still there. 

“Did you not like them?” He said with a an emotion on his face that Alec interpreted as disappointment. 

“No, no! I did! They were great! I just didn’t want to eat too much before my run.” He hoped this would be sufficient enough for Magnus. 

“What? Alec you can’t run after just one pancake! You’ll faint!” 

“No it’s fine, I’ll be okay.” Alec said impatiently. He wanted to get away from this topic.

“Alec, you barely had any dinner last night either! And you were sick! What if you pass out on your run and damage your ribs again? Or break your neck! Just sit down and have another pancake.” Magnus pushed. 

“No really, I’m good” Alec was losing his patience. 

“Alexander, that’s ridiculous, why wont you eat more?” 

“BECAUSE I’M FAT.” Alec exploded. “I don’t want to keep eating food, stop shoving food down my throat, I’m fat and disgusting and you’re making it worse, just stop!” Alec continued to shout, venting all the thoughts spinning round his head. Once he’d stopped he panted from the speed of his outburst. He hung his head in shame, knowing he’d let too much slip, and he’d told Magnus what he thought of himself. 

“Alexander…” Magnus breathed out in a hushed tone. “Why would you think that about yourself?” Magnus stood up to approach Alec. 

Alec took a step back and felt his back against the wall. “Because it’s true. I’m revolting.” 

“Are these your words? Or his?” Magnus’s brain clicked. This is why Alec had panicked this morning when Magnus caught him topless. This is why Alec wasn’t eating. STEVE had told him he was fat. Magnus could feel even more hatred building up inside him towards Steve. He didn’t know it was possible to hate someone this much. 

Alec hadn’t replied to Magnus’s question. Instead, he just shut his eyes and let his body slide down the wall until he was sitting with his knees up to his chest and his arms wrapped around them. Silent tears began to fall, he was so ashamed of himself right now, he wished the ground would swallow him. He couldn’t look at Magnus. He daren’t look. He was bound to be staring at Alec with pity in his eyes. Pity because Alec was pathetic. 

He felt Magnus sit beside him against the wall. They were close enough that their shoulders were touching and Alec felt comforted by the warmth radiating off Magnus. 

“You know those things aren’t true right? I don’t think you’re fat or disgusting. In fact, when you used to come into the restaurant, I used to shamelessly check you out,” Magnus chuckled. Alec displayed a small smile through his tears. “I used to watch you walk away and ugh, you have the best ass I’ve ever seen Alexander.”  
That was enough to cause Alec to erupt in giggles. He wasn’t expecting this kind of comfort-talk to come from Magnus and yet for some reason it was working more effectively. 

“I always felt so lucky when you spoke to me,” he continued. “I used to wonder why this hot, sexy fox of a man was wasting his time talking to me. The way your eyes sparkled, and the way you used to run your hands through your hair… Well. I wanted to run my own hands through it. I was jealous of your hands.” Magnus looked sideways to see Alec staring at him in disbelief. 

He couldn’t believe that someone thought this way about him. He was so used to thinking of himself as ugly and unattractive. The way Steve described him is how he pictured himself. This handsome man that Magnus was talking about couldn’t be him. 

Magnus, sensing Alec’s doubt, decided to be brave. He took a deep breath in and reached his hand up. Alec’s eyes traced his hands movements as it gently caressed his forehead, before Magnus’s fingertips carefully dragged the hair out of his eyes and brushed down towards his ear. Magnus held his palm against Alec’s cheek for a few moments, staring into Alec’s eyes before telling Alec something that he hadn’t heard in many years. 

“You, Alexander, are beautiful.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec goes back to the real world. Magnus reveals some insecurities.

Alec’s heart was beating so fast that he was sure Magnus could hear it. He didn’t expect to ever hear such incredible compliments aimed at him, especially not from someone as handsome and striking as Magnus. His eyes were swimming with tears as he held Magnus’s gaze and whispered a tiny “thank you”. It might have been barely audible, but the amount of emotions that came through with it showed Magnus just how much Alec needed to hear that.

Magnus pledged to himself that he would remind Alec of his beauty as much as possible. But first, he needed to address this situation.

“Alexander. I know that these awful thoughts about you have come from Steve. But, I don’t understand why they seem to have suddenly come back? You’ve been eating plenty of food with me last week, and I didn’t notice you leaving any. What’s caused these thoughts to come to the surface again? What happened?” Magnus’s voice came with no judgement. It was full of concern and love.

Alec looked away, knowing that what he was going to say would hurt Magnus. He didn’t want to, but he also didn’t want to lie. “It was… uhm, when we ordered Dominos, and I uh, I ordered too much – and you were right, it was a horrible amount of food – but I uh, after you said about me being the size of the house, everything that Steve said just came flooding back into my head. And I know you didn’t mean it like that, I know it was just a meaningless comment, but it hurt. I started to think about all the stuff I’d eaten with you this week and I realised you were right.”

Magnus swallowed the lump in his throat. His hand went up to cover his mouth as he realised he was the cause of Alec’s insecurity. “Oh my god, darling, I, I don’t know what to say. I can’t believe I didn’t think. I’m so sorry, please forgive me Alexander, please. I didn’t mean it at all, I honestly didn’t.” Tears were beginning to fall down Magnus’s cheeks as he blamed himself for Alec’s inner suffering. He was an awful human being.

Alec shook his head, “it’s okay Mags, you didn’t know.” He didn’t blame Magnus at all. The only two people responsible were Steve and Alec. Alec blames himself for listening and believing Steve.

“No but I should’ve – wait, ‘Mags’?” Magnus looked up in surprise. He’d not heard Alec call him this before.

Alec smiled with a huff of laughter; “yeah I thought you needed a nickname too”.

Magnus beamed at Alec, he held out a hand. “Friends?”

“Of course Mags, always.” Alec showed a lopsided grin as he pushed Magnus’s hand away and went in for a big bear hug. It was awkward as they were sat sideways on the floor, but in that moment it was all the comfort the both of them needed.

* * *

The next day, Alec started working at the bar again. He dressed in a black button down shirt that he had bought with Magnus the day before. He’d bought a few items that Magnus expertly picked and showed him how to mix and match to make loads of outfits without having to buy loads of different items.

Alec paired the black shirt with some skinny black jeans and combat boots. He roughed his hair a little and put his phone in his pocket. He ignored the nerves in his stomach; he didn’t know why he was nervous.

“You ready?” Magnus asked as Alec stepped out of his bedroom and towards him in the lounge.

“Yeah I guess. It’s gonna be weird going back to work after so much has changed…” He half-smiled as he ran his hand through his hair.

“Hey, you’re gonna be fine Alexander. If it makes you feel better, I could pop in later? Have a drink at the bar?” Magnus offered. He knew it was a big day for Alec. It would be the first time out the apartment without Magnus by his side. Even Magnus felt nervous for some reason – like he couldn’t protect Alec.

“Yeah, actually that would be nice! Thanks Mags!” Alec beamed, feeling like a weight was being lifted from him.

He grabbed his jacket and headed out the door, after saying goodbye to Magnus.  
Magnus grabbed his phone and text Clary from the restaurant asking if she’d like to meet for a drink and a catch up later.

* * *

Alec was welcomed with shouts of cheer as he walked into the bar. Looking around, the regulars and the other bar staff were all looking towards him, holding up their drinks as a way of greeting him back. He had missed the community-feel that the bar had always had.

Walking over to him was Maia, with her hands stretched out to welcome him with a hug. Alec leaned into it and squeezed gently. “I’m glad you’re feeling better Alec. I hope everything is okay?” She raised an eyebrow as she spoke, drawing back from the hug.

“Uh, yeah it’s all working out, thanks Maia.” Alec smiled.

“Glad to hear it. Now come on, you’ve got some work to do!” She laughed as she patted him on the shoulder and walked back to the bar.

Alec huffed out a laugh and followed her, heading out back to put his jacket away before beginning his shift. It soon felt like he’d never left as he moved back into the flow of things.

* * *

Magnus met Clary outside the bar. She was looking as beautiful as always, with her curly red hair flowing past her shoulders. She wore little black heeled boots, skinny blue jeans, and a black strappy top that let her hair colour really shine. She greeted Magnus with a friendly hug before they walked in and headed straight to the bar. There were stalls for them to sit at, so they chose two near the far end and made themselves comfy.

Among their conversation, Magnus spotted Alec walking towards them behind the bar. He was grinning, and Magnus was relieved to see that he already looked like he was back at home. “Magnus! You made it!”

“Alexander, of course I did! This is my good friend Clary; she works with me at the restaurant. Biscuit, this is Alec. I met him at work and he’s now my roommate.” Magnus suddenly realised how much had changed since he’d last seen Clary, and she raised her eyebrows in surprise when she heard the word ‘roomate’.

“Oh! Hi! Nice to meet you! I didn’t realise Magnus had anyone living with him now.” She smiled warmly at Alec, holding out a hand for him to shake.

“Yeah, it was a bit sudden. But Mags has been so kind to me, he’s definitely my hero at the moment.” Alec said with an awkward laugh, wondering why he was still talking. Saving himself from saying more embarrassing things, he pointed behind him and said “I gotta go and serve some customers, I’ll see you in a bit.”

Watching Alec leave, Clary turned to Magnus with her arms folded and her head tilted in question. “What the hell was that? Why didn’t you tell me you have a boyfriend?!”

“Woah! What? No boyfriend, he’s just my roommate. And friend.” Magnus added quickly.

“He called you Mags?” Clary pointed out.

“Friends can have nicknames too, biscuit” he emphasised her nickname to make his point.

Clary rolled her eyes, “okay, but I can so tell there’s some other feelings going on. Just you wait.”

Magnus rolled his eyes back and pushed her shoulder a little; “oh hush, there’s nothing else going on.”

Clary gave him a knowing look, but let the conversation drop. She raised her hand at the bartender, signalling for two more drinks and the two of them carried on drinking and chatting the rest of the night.

Magnus wasn’t sure how they’d managed to stay for so long, but suddenly he heard the bell for last calls.

Magnus had said goodbye to Clary and helped her into the taxi. He leaned against the lamppost as he watched her drive away, but for some bizarre reason, the lamppost moved. He stumbled sideways as his shoulder slipped and he was about to hit the ground when suddenly two hands caught him. He looked up to find Alec standing over him with a face full of amusement. He slowly lifted Magnus back up to standing position, and was about to let go when Magnus stumbled again.

“Woah, easy there,” Alec laughed and grabbed Magnus’s arm.

“Alexander! Fancy seeing you here!” Magnus laughed. His words were slurring slightly and he was finding himself much funnier than he was actually being.

Alec snorted with enjoyment and raised his arm to hail a taxi. “Come on you, I think it’s home time.”

Magnus’s lips pouted as he looked down at the ground. “I don’t wanna go home, I want to dance!”

Alec shook his head, “nope, no way. You’re going home and sleeping it off!”

Magnus looked up at Alec; “are you coming too?”

Alec frowned, confused at the question. “Is it okay if I come home?” He wondered if drunken Magnus was trying to tell him that it wasn’t actually his home. Maybe he didn’t want Alec to come back with him anymore.

“You bet.” Magnus said happily, closing his eyes and leaning on Alec.

Alec relaxed again. He helped Magnus into the taxi that had pulled up, whilst mentally telling himself off for being paranoid.

In the taxi, Magnus leaned into Alec and drifted off to sleep. Keeping him still against the moving taxi, Alec moved his arm around Magnus’s shoulders. He could smell the sandalwood and honey body wash that Magnus used. His eyes closing as he breathed it in a few more times. It smelt amazing.

Getting lost in the scent of Magnus, the taxi driver made Alec jump as he announced they had arrived back at his apartment. Alec paid the fare and dragged Magnus out of the taxi. The stumbled to the apartment with Magnus only half awake. Luckily he was unexpectedly light and easy to manoeuvre.

They made it to Magnus’s bedroom, and Alec laid him down on the bed. He took off Magnus’s shoes and jacket (with some difficulty) and pulled the blankets around him. He whispered goodnight and was about to leave when Magnus grasped hold of his hand. Squeezing tight, he looked up at Alec and whispered; “can you stay?”.

Alec swallowed. “Magnus, you’re drunk, I don’t think you’re in the right place for me to, uh, stay with you…” Alec faltered, not sure if he understood what Magnus was asking of him.

“I just don’t want to feel lonely for once, please Alexander. Stay with me please?”

In that moment, the happy and bubbly Magnus that Alec usually saw was replaced with a man full of insecurity and loneliness. Still holding each other’s hands, Alec nodded, pushing his shoes off his feet and lying next to Magnus.

“Thank you,” Magnus whispered, as they faced each other on the bed. He continued to hold Alec’s hand as his eyes drifted closed and he fell back to sleep.

Alec wasn’t sure what he was being thanked for. But he realised that maybe he wasn’t the only person who felt alone sometimes. Looking down at their entwined hands, Alec moved his thumb back and forth over Magnus’s. Soon his eyes drifted closed as well, and they both slept soundly.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus opens up a little. Alec realises the danger he could bring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a few swear words in this chapter - sorry if that offends anyone

When Magnus awoke the next morning, his hand grasped his head as he watched the room spin. He had definitely over done the cocktails last night. He looked around the room, it was light, he had definitely slept in. Disorientated, he sat up and drank the water from the glass on the nightstand. Alec must’ve left that for him.

He half expected to find Alec asleep next to him when he woke up. But now he assumed he had dreamt asking Alec to stay with him. Relieved that he hadn’t drunkenly made a fool out of himself, he walked to the kitchen slowly, in search for Alec and coffee. On the fridge door, there was a scrawled note saying that Alec had gone for a run and there was coffee in the machine.

Magnus drank the coffee like it was a lifeline and feeling a little bit more revived, he headed to the bathroom to have a steaming hot shower and attempt to sweat out the alcohol.

When Alec arrived back at the apartment, he had his headphones still blaring out the upbeat music that keeps him focussed on his runs. Panting, he wiped his sweaty brow with his forearm and headed straight for the bathroom to get in the shower. He assumed Magnus was still asleep, not expecting to see signs of life till the late afternoon. He grabbed a clean towel from the hallway cupboard and pushed the door.

“Argh!” Alec let out a surprised noise as he came face to face with a naked Magnus.

Magnus looked horrified for a split second before realising it was only Alec. He wrapped a towel around his waist, giving him a little bit of modesty back.

“Well, Alexander, if you wanted to take a shower with me, all you had to do was ask,” he winked.

“No! No, that’s not what I- I thought you were sleeping, sorry!” Alec shut his eyes and backed out of the bathroom.

“Oh Alec, relax! It’s fine, I’ve been naked in front of plenty of guys before, I’m not shy!” Magnus chuckled as he watched the blush rise to Alec’s cheeks.

“Hundreds?”

“Well, enough anyway.” Magnus shrugged.

Alec suddenly felt out of his depth. Of course Magnus has had lots of encounters before; he’s beautiful. Alec on the other hand, has only ever been with Steve. He was extremely under qualified, so to speak.

Alec let out an awkward laugh as he closed the door on Magnus. He decided to just sit in his room until the shower was available.

* * *

Later that day, Magnus and Alec were watching TV when Magnus’s phone began to ring. Alec glanced at the screen and saw that “ibu” was calling. Magnus saw the screen and groaned quietly.

“I’ll be right back,” he muttered to Alec as he walked out the room with his phone still ringing.

Alec could hear the conversation from Magnus’s end, but assumed he was speaking in Indonesian when he realised they weren’t speaking English. He wondered what “ibu” meant, so he quickly searched it up on his phone. Raising his eyebrows, “ibu” means “mother”. Alec wondered why a phone call from Magnus’s mother had gotten such a negative response.

When Magnus came in, he seemed tense and upset. Alec watched him carefully, before clearing his throat and asking; “are you alright?”.

Magnus sighed, he rubbed his face with his hand and kept his gaze on the TV. Drawing his knees up, he began to explain.

“I don’t really get on with my mother any more. We had a, uh, ‘disagreement’, if you will.” Magnus drew air quotes in the air as he spoke. “She likes to check in and see if she can still carry on disagreeing with my life choices.” Alec had never heard Magnus sound so sarcastic. He wanted to know more, but he didn’t want to push Magnus’s privacy.

He decided to try and comfort instead. “All parents disagree with their kids Mags, it’s their way of showing they love you.”

Magnus huffed. “Well sometimes I wish she would show me less.”

“You don’t mean that…” Alec looked down.

“Don’t I? She is constantly disapproving how I live my life. She wanted me to marry this woman I had never met, just to strengthen our family name?! How is that showing me she loves me? I couldn’t do it Alexander, I don’t want to live my life in a loveless marriage. Until I do, she will continue disagreeing with me. You know what she asked me in that phone call? Not ‘how are you’ or ‘are you happy’, but ‘have you decided to listen to me yet?’. She’ll never listen to _me_!”.

Magnus let out a breath. He needed that. He needed to vent about the pressure his mother had been putting on him. He might not want to be alone, but he certainly didn’t want to be tied to someone that he didn’t love. She’d never understand.

Alec looked helpless. He didn’t know how to respond to Magnus’s outburst. Instead, he wrapped an arm around Magnus and pulled him in closely.

“I’m sorry your mum hasn’t accepted that. I know it’s hard when parents choose not to listen to their kids,” he whispered in Magnus’s ear.

Magnus let out a sigh and held on to Alec tightly. He was really enjoying having someone to talk to and support him.

“Thank you Alexander. Sorry to just unload on you like that.” Magnus sniffed.

“Magnus, don’t ever worry about that! I’m your friend! Friends are here to support each other. You’re here for me, and I’m here for you.” He leant back and gave Magnus a comforting smile.

“Well, what about you? Do you have better luck with your parents?” Magnus chuckled.

Alec tensed, he wasn’t expecting it to deflect back on him, and he wasn’t sure how much he should say. Magnus, seeing Alec freeze, was about to let him back out, as Alec started to stutter, “They’re not in the picture anymore. I haven’t seen my family for a really long time”.

Magnus watched Alec carefully as he tried to read the situation; “do you want to talk about it?”

Alec shook his head, “not just yet.. It’s a uh, bit of a depressing subject.”

Magnus nodded, “just know that when you’re ready, I’m here to listen.”

They sat smiling at each other, before turning back to the TV and continuing to relax.

* * *

Alec started his shift that evening. Dressed in his usual black shirt and jeans, he made his way into work. They were quiet tonight, it was a Wednesday and usually the customers consisted of a few regulars and the occasional businessman that had finished for the night.

Alec was in the back of the bar when the door opened to Steve. Maia recognising him immediately, began to walk towards him. “You need to leave, right now.” She told him in a firm voice.

Steve’s face twisted into a nasty snarl, “how dare you talk to me like that?! Who the fuck are you?! You can’t tell me what to do”. He had raised his voice in anger, and the scene was beginning to get the attention of the regulars.

“Oi mate, shut the fuck up, you can’t talk to her like that, she owns the place you twat.” One regular shouted across the bar to him.

Alec thought he could hear the sound of a bar fight about to break out, so he rushed back to the bar to assist. He instantly halted to a stop and his face paled as he realised who had caused the argument. He didn’t know what to do next; he wasn’t ready to face Steve yet, but his body wouldn’t let him run either. He just stayed glued to the spot as he watched Steve make eye contact with him.

Steve’s scowl turned into a nauseating scowl as he locked eyes on Alec and pushed Maia to the side. Maia might be small, but she was ridiculously strong for her size. She stumbled back before regaining her balance and pushing Steve backwards towards the door.

Then, a table of three men (regulars) all stood up, ready to defend her. They walked towards Steve and one dragged him by the collar out of the building. “You heard her, get out”. One of them warned.

Steve was fuming that he was still unable to get to Alec. He had wanted to pay him a visit and make him realise what a big mistake it would be to walk away from him like that. But he didn’t get the chance. As one of the men saw that Steve was about to fight his way back into the bar, he curled his fist and punched him straight in the nose.

Steve’s head jolted back with the impact and he immediately felt the blood begin to pour out from his nostrils.  
Knowing that there was no way he was going to get inside, he decided he’d have to get to Alec another way. He shouted a threat through the door, over the men’s shoulders as they barricaded the entrance. He told Alec that he’d better watch his back; he’d come for him soon enough. And with that, he stalked back to his apartment, holding his nose as the blood ran down his arm.

The regulars sauntered back in, muttering to themselves about “what a dickhead that guy was”. Maia turned to a very pale Alec. His mouth hung open, his eyes wide with fear.

“I’m never going to be free from him, am I?” he whispered to no one in particular.

Maia sighed. She walked over to Alec and sat him down. “It’ll be alright Alec, we’ll work it out.”

Alec just swallowed, looking down at his hands as they pinched the skin between his thumb and finger. He knew it wouldn’t be as simple as that. And he was beginning to realise that the people around him weren’t safe from Steve’s anger either. He had already put Maia in between him and Steve. What would stop him from hurting Magnus too?


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec revisits Hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is a bit of a longer chapter - sorry it took so long, but it was a hard one to write! 
> 
> There are a LOT of references and vivid descriptions of sexual abuse, domestic violence, physical violence, and rape. PLEASE DO NOT READ if you are likely to be triggered or upset by this. The most graphic part is marked with "***". If you wish to skip the graphic part, please scroll down until you reach the second "***". I hope this is clear for everyone. 
> 
> Other than that, I hope you like this chapter.

Alec stepped out of the bar at 1:30 that morning after finishing his shift. As he slowed his steps so that he could plug his headphones into his phone, he felt a blunt force push him back against the brick wall. His body smacked against the bricks with a thud as his phone shatters against the hard concrete. He looks up in fear to see Steve towering over him, caging Alec with his arms either side.

“What do you want Steve?” Alec pants as he catches his breath from being winded.

Steve just glared back, hating the fact that Alec had the guts to speak. “Don’t act stupid Alec, I’m here to bring you back. You don’t get to just walk away from me.”

Alec looks down in defiance; he doesn’t want to go back with Steve, but right now he’s not sure how to get away from him either. “I don’t want to go back,” he whispers. “I’m happy where I am now.”

That was the wrong thing for Alec to say. “What, with your pathetic slut?!” Steve spat into his face. “You don’t deserve to be with him, he’s only letting you stay there out of pity. He doesn’t care about you Alec. Where is he right now huh? If he cared, he’d be here. You’re nothing to him. Just a stray.”

“You’re wrong, he’s my friend,” Alec cried, trying to stop Steve’s words from brandishing his own feelings about Magnus.

“He’s not your friend. You don’t have friends,” Steve sneered. “You’re not worth being someone’s friend; you’re not worth his time. If you go back to him, I’ll have to show him what being your friend gets.” That was a threat.

“Please don’t hurt him,” Alec begged, knowing just what Steve was capable of.

“I won’t. If you come back with me. Forget about that freak and we can carry on like none of this ever happened. I’m willing to forgive you this time, you should take it before I change my mind.”

Alec considered this for a moment, he could guarantee Magnus’s safety. He didn’t want to go back with Steve, but at the same time, maybe it was where he belonged. After all, Steve was right, Alec was just a stray that inconvenienced Magnus’s life.

“If I do this, will you leave him alone? Do you promise?” Alec had to be sure.

“He’s not worth my time. I’ll leave him, but I’ll have to teach you a lesson for thinking you could run away like that.” He growled, seizing Alec’s wrist and yanking him towards the curb where he had parked his car. Alec was about to pull away before his mind flashed to Magnus. Right now, he was saving Magnus from being caught up in Steve’s anger. He needed to do this. Magnus was more important than he was, his life was more valuable. Magnus would soon forget about him, this was how it was supposed to be.

He sighed, defeated. Ducking his head, he got into Steve’s car and was escorted back to the apartment he had hoped never to see again.

* * *

Alec made his way up the stairs to their apartment. He could feel Steve’s eyes on him as he pushed him up each step. Steve had a menacing grin plastered across his face as he watched Alec’s ass. He was thinking of all the ways he could punish him for being disloyal.

As they entered the apartment, Steve shut the door and locked it using a deadbolt and a padlock; two locks that never used to be there. When Alec saw this, he visibly paled and looked at Steve.  
Answering his unspoken question, Steve grinned and looked back at the locks, “I thought I better make sure you won’t run away again baby.”

Swallowing, Alec sat down on the sofa. The reality was kicking in, he was trapped in this apartment, like a prison. It wasn’t going to be like how it used to be with Steve, it was about to get much much worse.

Steve watched Alec shiver, it was nearing to half two in the morning and he looked exhausted. Steve might have his violent tendencies, but he still loved Alec. He still wanted him to be safe. He decided they should go to bed, maybe he could remind Alec of what they used to have, what their love used to feel like.  
He walked over to Alec and took his hand. Alec flinched and looked up at him in fear. “I’m not going to hurt you Alec, I just think we should go to bed, it’s late.”

*******

Alec looked at the clock on the wall and realised that Steve was right, it was much later than he had assumed. He nodded reluctantly and took Steve’s hand. Alec was lead to the bedroom where he had experienced nights (and days) of horrible violent acts. He shivered as he remembered and felt the memories. Steve began unbuttoning his navy shirt as he stared at Alec. Alec felt like those piercing eyes were reaching into his soul. When Steve made a gesture that Alec should be copying him, Alec hesitantly reached for the buttons of his black work shirt. He cast his stare away from Steve’s hungry eyes. He felt so exposed, yet he knew if he didn’t do this himself, Steve wouldn’t hesitate to rip it off of him.

Steve began to walk toward Alec, swaying his hips a little, with a flirty smirk on his face. Alec could feel his stomach twist with revolt, but he daren’t show it on his face. Grazing his fingers up either side of Alec’s body, he bent closer and whispered in Alec’s ear; “don’t you miss this?”. Alec shivered from the touch, but not in the way Steve had anticipated. He felt like he was in a nightmare.

“Steve, I think we should just go to bed, it’s late and I’m really tired.” Alec tried to keep a steady voice but he could hear the fear. It was creeping up from his throat and making his words shake.

Steve flinched backwards as if Alec had slapped him. He looked insulted to be rejected by his love. How dare Alec reject him? After all he’d done for him? He didn’t deserve Steve’s love, he deserved to feel all the hurt that Steve was feeling right now. So as he stepped back from Alec’s touch, he swung his arm to backhand slap Alec across the cheek. The sound practically echoed in the otherwise silent, hollow room.

“How DARE you reject me?!” He screamed in anguish.

Alec was about to protest, when he was shoved violently against the wall. Using his forearm, Steve held Alec there against his throat. “You really think you could do any better than me?! You should look at yourself right now, you’re a pathetic snivelling worm.” Alec gasped for breath as he felt the pressure against his oesophagus.

He tried to push Steve away with his hands but that resulted in him being thrown sideways on to the bed. Breathing heavily as he tried to replenish the oxygen in his lungs, and grasping at his throat in desperation, Alec twisted round to face Steve as he remained lying on the bed before him. Steve’s face was a dark red now. He was huffing with adrenaline and reaching for his belt buckle. Removing the belt, he gripped the two ends in one fist and lashed it down against Alec’s back as Alec tried to crawl away.

Alec cried out in pain, and begged Steve to stop. There was no stopping him now though, Steve was furious at Alec’s behaviour. He had planned a romantic night of rekindling their love and instead he was given ungratefulness and a lack of respect.

He threw two more lashings against Alec’s back, watching the belt engrave the porcelain skin with deep red marks. Feeling satisfied that Alec had felt the pain that he had so cruelly made Steve feel, he straddled Alec’s shaking body.

Leaning forward and growling into Alec’s ear; “I think you need a reminder of how much I love you Alec”, Steve reached down and pulled Alec’s jeans from his waist. It was done so harshly that Alec yelped out in distress.

He tried one last time to push Steve off his weakening form, before he collapsed on the bed. He was tired, aching from the beating, and emotionally defeated. This was his life now. This is what he was for.

** *** **

Magnus woke the next morning with a horrible feeling. He cracked his neck as he sat up from the sofa that he had fallen asleep on. Looking around frowning with confusion, he wondered why he had slept here. He cast his mind back to the night before and realised he must have fallen asleep while waiting for Alec to come home. Had Alec walked past Magnus and left him to sleep? He stood up, stretching, as he walked to Alec’s room. The door was still shut from the night before, so he knocked, waited, and then walked inside when he heard no movement.

“Alexander?” the silence remained.

Magnus looked around the apartment, where was Alec?

He quickly changed his clothes and grabbed some shoes. He still had this horrible feeling in his stomach, and he was now worried that it was for Alec. He headed to the bar to see if maybe Alec had crashed there.

When he arrived, there were a couple of people inside. He knocked on the locked door and Maia opened it, “we’re closed at the moment sir, we won’t be open until 1pm”. She was about to close it again without waiting for a response from Magnus, until he grabbed the side of the door.

“Wait, please! Is Alexander in there?”

Maia frowned, “you’re Alec’s roommate aren’t you?” she questioned.

“Yes, he didn’t come home last night after his shift. Did he stay here?” Magnus was growing impatient.

“No, he left at the end of his shift. We haven’t seen him since…” Maia trailed off and her eyes widened. “Oh no…”

“What? What is it? What?” Magnus panicked, he didn’t like the look on Maia’s face.

“Steve came by last night. He was really angry, mouthing off and causing a scene,” Maia began.

“What?! Did he take Alexander?!” Magnus’s voice was rising higher and louder with every word. He was beginning to envision all the terrible scenarios of Alec being beaten up and lying in an alleyway.

“He left way before Alec finished work. But… He could have been waiting? I don’t know, I didn’t really think he’d still be around.” Maia’s voice was filled with concern. She headed to the back room to the computer with the security footage.

Magnus followed automatically, not waiting for an invitation inside. He watched as Maia rewound the footage to 1am. She played it from there and soon enough, they were watching Alec head out from the back door and collide with an angry looking Steve.

“No…” Magnus whispered. He felt like he had failed to keep Alec safe.

“We need to find them now.” Maia instructed firmly.

Running to Maia’s car out the back, Magnus dialled 911. He directed Maia to Alec’s old apartment, the only logical place to start looking, whilst reporting the situation to the voice on the other end of the phone. The policewoman had told Magnus not to go into the building, and to wait for the police to arrive. But Magnus couldn’t wait that long, and he definitely wasn’t ready to let Alec wait either.

He used the heel of his boot to kick the lock of the building’s front door. It swung open after a few attempts and he and Maia leaped up the stairs towards Alec’s apartment. Magnus tried to use the same technique to gain entry to the apartment but the door wasn’t giving way.

* * *

Alec heard banging as he gained consciousness. The noise sounded far away and he opened his eyes the tiniest bit as the light scorched his retinas. It took a few minutes before he realised where he was and what had happened. Lying on his stomach, he tried to lift his head up off the pillow and push up onto his elbows. It felt like an eternity of grunting and shaking limbs before he managed it. Looking around the room, he realised that Steve was nowhere to be seen. The light was pouring in from the window and he could hear voices in the distance but it was like he was underwater. Alec’s head was pounding and his back was in agonizing pain. Everywhere was stiff and aching. He blinked back tears as he remembered why he hurt so much.

As he struggled to sit up, he wondered if maybe Steve had gone to work. He was relieved to not have seen him yet this morning. He shuffled to the edge of the bed and winced at the pressure as he sat. A sinking feeling overcame his stomach as thought back to why it would hurt every time he sits today. Bottom lip quivering, he blinked back tears. He would not cry. He would not feel sorry for himself. He refused.

As his head began to clear, Alec thought he could hear his name. His heart quickened as he thought maybe Steve was back so he quickly grabbed a t-shirt from Steve’s drawer and his boxers from last night and grimaced through the pain as he put them on. He stood, wavering from light-headedness. He wondered if he hit his head last night; he couldn’t remember it but it was beginning to feel like maybe he had.

“Alec!”

Alec froze on the spot. That wasn’t Steve, that sounded more like… Maia? What would she be doing here? Shaking his head, Alec was convinced this was some aftermath to banging his head. But then he heard it again. It was definitely Maia. He held on to the walls of the hallway as he shuffled his feet towards the front door. Every muscle ached and he felt heavy from exhaustion.

He reached the front door and looked at the maze of bolts and locks. He realised that none of them were locked… Steve can’t lock them from outside the apartment. There was just a single deadbolt in the way of Alec opening the door. He reached up and twisted it, before opening the door slightly and letting a sliver of light come through. He peaked through the gap and saw Maia and Magnus panting and wide eyed.

“Oh thank god, Alec you’re here.” Magnus breathed out and he pushed the door open to envelop Alec into a huge hug. Alec cried out in pain as Magnus’s hands pressed against his back. Magnus’s eyes flew open and he immediately stepped back, leaving Alec to fall to the floor in pain. He was kneeling down on his hands and knees gasping at the amount of pain that was radiating through his body.

Magnus knelt down next to Alec. He took in the red finger marks around Alec’s neck, the scratches on his arms, the bruised wrists, the black eye, the bruised jaw, the split lip, and worst of all, the blood on the back of Alec’s t-shirt that had started to seep through.

“Alec?” Magnus croaked out in a barely audible whisper, “what did he do to you?”.

Alec couldn’t answer that question, he could barely speak at all through the pain he was in. He could hear Maia on the phone to the emergency services, calling for an ambulance. He shook his head, trying to push past the dizzy feeling that came with it. “No, you need to go.” He growled out as he tried to sound firm. He needed Magnus to listen. There was no way Steve would ignore Magnus being here, he’d be hurt if he didn’t leave as quickly as possible. “He’ll hurt you”. Alec warned.

Magnus breathed out in disbelief. Here Alec was, doubled over in his own pain, and yet more concerned about Magnus’s wellbeing!

“Alec, I’m not going anywhere. And I sure as hell aren’t leaving you here with him.” Magnus pulled Alec up slowly under his arms. Alec groaned in pain and screwed his eyes tightly shut.

“Please, he’ll find you. He’ll find me again, it won’t end Magnus, just leave me here please.” Begging for Magnus to save himself, tears started falling down Alec’s bruised cheeks.

“You’re coming home with me Alec, I will keep you safe. I’m not letting him near you ever again.” Magnus asserted.

Maia joined Magnus in supporting Alec as they walked out of the apartment and down the stairs. There were a few stumbles as Alec dragged his feet, the dizziness getting worse as time went on. By the time he reached the bottom of the stairs, Alec was barely conscious. His eyes were drooping, and his head was lulling down. Maia and Magnus had all of Alec’s weight against them. Luckily, although he was tall, he was light.

They leant against the wall of the building until they saw the ambulance coming up the road. Heaving a sigh of relief, Magnus waved the ambulance down. Out of the ambulance came two paramedics, a blond male and a brunette. They headed over to the group and as they got closer, the blond stopped short.

“Alec?!”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry you've waited for a whole week - it's been a busy one! Hope everyone's staying safe!

Even amongst the panic, Magnus stopped for a split second to wonder how this paramedic knew Alec. They quickly assessed Alec as his consciousness slipped in and out and then got him into the ambulance. Magnus joined them in the back while Maia followed in her car.

Whilst they were driving to the hospital, the paramedic began asking Magnus questions. He wanted to know what had happened to Alec and who was responsible. Magnus was trying to follow his questioning, but was too distracted worrying about Alec.

“His ex-boyfriend took him and did this, I don’t know what happened.” He muttered, not really listening to himself.

The paramedic frowned, “wait, Alec had a boyfriend?”.

Magnus’s attention snapped to him; “hang on, who are you? How do you know Alec but don’t even know he had a boyfriend?”. Magnus had assumed that he knew Alec from trips to A&E after Steve’s fights, but now it sounded like they’d never really met?

“I’m Jace. We went to school together before the incident.”

This just opened up more questions for Magnus; “what are you talking about? What incident?”.

Jace looked down, he wasn’t sure how much to say. “There was an incident to do with Alec’s family. We used to hang out in a big friendship group in high school, and then after it happened, we never heard from Alec again. He completely disappeared. We assumed he’d been taken in by relatives and had to move away.” He shrugged, obviously not wanting to elaborate.

Magnus let the conversation stop there. He wasn’t sure what Jace was talking about, but he knew there was a lot of the story missing. He would have to ask Alec after all this is over.

* * *

When they arrived at the hospital, the two paramedics rushed Alec into a room. Magnus was stopped at the doors and was told to wait in the waiting room for an update. He didn’t argue; he knew that he wasn’t allowed past the heavy doors. He paced the waiting room until Maia came running in after parking the car. She was panting heavily and grabbed on to Magnus as she caught her breath.

“Is he okay? Where is he?” She breathed out.

“Yeah, he’s in there,” Magnus pointed to the double doors at the end of the corridor. “We have to wait for someone to tell us.”

Just then, a doctor in blue scrubs exited the doors and headed towards them. She asked if they were here for Alec and they both nodded.

“How is he?” Magnus asked urgently.

“Are you family?” she questioned.

“He doesn’t have any family. I live with Alec, I guess I’m as close as he has to family…” Magnus trailed off, he hadn’t really thought about that before but now he realises, he is. Alec doesn’t have anyone else.

“My name is Dr. Branwell. I’ve been treating Alec since he arrived. He’s still unconscious, but he is stable for now. I need to know what happened. We have contacted the police, it’s obvious he has been attacked. There are several lacerations to his back, bruises all over his body, and clear sign of sexual assault.”

The last sentence kept repeating in Magnus’s head as a sinking feeling struck his stomach. How could he have let this happen to Alec? He was supposed to protect him. He felt a wave of nausea rise up through his body as he thought about what Alec had gone through.

“I – I cant talk to the police. I’ll tell them what I know. I know who did this to him, I can give them a description.” Magnus stuttered, his mind swimming in visions of Alec being tortured by the monster.

Dr. Branwell nodded, glad that someone had information. She took Magnus to a private office room to get more knowledge of what had happened to Alec. Once they were done, she let Magnus and Maia visit Alec’s room. He was lying in bed, still asleep after being treated. He had a drip inserted into his arm, and there was a steady beeping rhythm in the background. Magnus found it comforting, as if it was reassuring him that Alec was in fact still alive.

They sat talking to Alec as if he was awake. They told him that they would protect him from ever being hurt by Steve again. Steve was referred to using considerably colourful language, all of which he deserved, and more. Magnus was desperate to see Steve behind bars. He couldn’t stop his stomach from twisting as he saw the things Steve had done. He had painted Alec’s beautiful body with purpling bruises, bright red slashes, and dark serrated cuts. He looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks, with sunken eyes and dark circles. Magnus held his hand to reassure him that he wasn’t alone any more. That Magnus would be there for him forever.

* * *

When Alec finally woke up, Magnus couldn’t help the tears overflow with relief. He reached up to give Alec a welcoming hug that Alec savoured as it made him feel warm and safe. He winced as he leant back, putting pressure on the lashings on his back. He tried to speak but his throat felt like there was gravel coating the sides. He reached for the water with a trembling hand before Magnus swooped in and held the glass up to Alec’s dry lips.

“I’ve got you, don’t worry” Magnus murmured. He let Alec sip the water and clear his throat. “You’ve had me so worried Alexander. I had no idea where you were, I was terrified.” Magnus’s eyes met Alec’s as they glistened with unshed tears.

“Hey, it’s alright Mags. I’m okay now. You found me.” Alec reassured Magnus in a weak voice. The words he spoke were just as much for him as they were for Magnus. He needed to tell himself that he was safe.

Magnus looked down at their entwined hands. “I realised just how much you meant to me Alexander. The thought of losing you from my life so soon after meeting you… I couldn’t bare for you to leave me. I think, I think I care for you much more than as a friend…. I think, no, I _know_ , you are so important to me. You make me a happier human.” Magnus broke out into a lopsided grin as he let out his thoughts. He hadn’t been expecting to fall for Alec, but they’ve become so close and the way that he felt when he thought Alec was gone, he knew Alec was firmly placed into his heart now. He brought Alec’s hand up to his lips and grazed them gently over his knuckles. He didn’t need Alec to respond with anything just yet, he was just glad that Alec was safe and back where he belonged – with him.

Before Alec could really process what had just transpired between them, a man walked into the room unannounced. He had sweeping blond hair that fell in front of his eyes, and broad shoulders that held shiny gold arrows of his paramedics uniform.

Alec frowned as the familiar face turned towards him, “Jace?”.

Jace breathed out in relief, “thank God you’re okay man, I thought we’d lost you for a moment!”

Magnus’s head snapped round at that comment, “wait what?! You told me he was going to be okay?!”

“Ha, yeah well I wasn’t so sure I meant it” Jace shrugged apologetically and then turned his attention back to Alec who was sat there speechless.

“Where have you been man? I can’t believe I’m actually seeing you after so long! Where did you go?”

Alec looked down at the blanket pooling around his waist. He swallowed and took a deep breath in. He didn’t really know what to say.

“Alec, what happened to you after the accident? We never saw you again, we had to find out from a teacher that Izzy had died, and we tried to call you and text but you just disappeared?!”

“Don’t.” Alec whispered, “don’t say her name”.

He looked up with desperation and heartbreak flickering in his eyes as tears streamed down his cheeks.

“Alec,” Jace sighed. He sat down on the end of Alec’s bed and rested his hand on Alec’s shin. “Where did you go after?”.

“No where. I literally had no where to go.” Alec croaked out. He brushed the tears harshly from his face and cleared his throat. “I had no one left. I tried to go home but there was too much of them there, I couldn’t be there without them… I just had to get out.” He was sobbing now; this was the first time he had really talked about that time in his life to anyone. Usually he would only think about it on days when Steve wasn’t around and he could get out the shoebox.

“I just lived wherever I could. I moved around some shelters, I found an empty factory, I slept in my car, and just anywhere I could.” He sniffed and continued, “Steve found me after a while and took me in. We started dating, and I found a job and I carried on my life.” He shrugged, hoping that that was enough of an explanation to satisfy Jace’s questions.

“Why didn’t you come to me Alec? You didn’t have to become homeless?! You could’ve stayed at mine or Clary’s or heck, even Simon’s!” Jace was starting to raise his voice; he was so angry that Alec just left like that. There were so many better choices than living on the streets.

“How could I?!” Alec shouted back. “It was all my fault! I didn’t deserve to live, let alone carry on my life without them! I deserved to stay in pain and have nothing. I deserved to die with them. I shouldn’t have lived.” Alec was beginning to hyperventilate as his tears blinded the sight before him. Magnus noticed the rhythm of the beeping change. Alec was clutching his chest as he drew shorter, more frequent breaths.

“Alexander?!” Magnus stood in panic, “Alec, calm down, you’ve got to calm down!”

Alec looked at Magnus in panic, he shook his head rapidly as he clenched his eyes shut. Jace ran to get help and soon a team of nurses ran in and pushed the visitors out of the room.

They stood outside in the corridor as Alec was treated. Magnus glared at Jace, “why did you do that?! How dare you shout at him when he’s like that!”

Jace looked guilty as hell. He shook his head, staring at the floor. “I just got mad,” he raised his eyebrows as he continued to look down. “He didn’t even try and ask us for help, he just left. I thought he was with family, I thought he was okay. How have I not seen him this whole time when we live in the same city? I could’ve helped him.” Jace slid down the wall and held his knees up to his chest. He felt so guilty for living his life without a care in the world all while his best friend had been suffering.

* * *

Alec was stabilised and sleeping so Dr. Branwell told them to go home. Magnus was allowed to visit again in the morning as long as Alec wasn’t agitated like that again.

Maia drove Magnus home. She didn’t quite understand everything that she witnessed today, but she was realising that Alec had had a very terrible life. She felt bad that she didn’t try to get to know him better or help him out more. She decided to become more attentive to her employees needs from now on.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec returns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter, it's building up to Alec's past telling. 
> 
> Sorry it's been a while - I think isolation is getting the better of me now... Hope everyone is still staying safe/sane xx

The next couple of days were spent in the hospital. Alec needed to stay under observation until some swelling around his brain had resided. Magnus was by his side the whole time. He had wanted to talk to Alec about the expressed feelings that lingered in the air, and what had happened between him and Jace, but he was afraid that the topics might cause another panic attack. Instead, they made small talk, and avoided any serious subjects.

Jace visited Alec the day after their altercation. Magnus was wary of him entering; the last thing he wanted was for Alec to be distressed. Jace apologised to Alec for getting angry the day before. He realised how he had reacted, and that although he wished Alec had felt he could have asked for help from the group, he understood that his mind wasn’t in the right place to feel that he could. Jace also made it clear that now Alec was back in his life, there was no way he was letting him go, and he was going to visit them once Alec was discharged.

Alec accepted Jace’s speech with tear-filled eyes. He was thankful to have a friend back in his life and for a moment he felt less alone. He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt like this.

* * *

Alec was discharged after two days and was taken back home by a very protective Magnus. He was ushered into the car and given a blanket to wrap around his legs. When Magnus reached over to anchor Alec’s seatbelt in place, he felt a firm grip on his wrist. He looked up in surprise to see Alec looking severely embarrassed.

“Please stop fussing.” Alec pleaded. “I know you’re trying to help, but I feel like a child,” he let out a breath of laughter at the situation.

Magnus looked down and realised he was mothering Alec. He blushed, possibly for the first time in front of Alec. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise, it’s a bit much isn’t it?” Magnus admitted. He felt silly now.

“No, Mags, it’s okay! I just don’t want you thinking I’m this incapable pathetic pet that needs every need attended to.” Alec let out his thoughts once again. He still wasn’t used to being able to speak so freely, but he was really appreciating it.

“Alexander, I will never think you’re incapable. Or pathetic! I just wanted to make sure you were comfortable and not in any pain. I realise I am being a bit overbearing, so I will dial it back a bit!” He chuckled. He still fastened Alec’s seatbelt, before he closed the door and made his way to his side of the car. Alec smiled and shook his head fondly. He was glad to be going home. Wow, “home”. He hadn’t associated that word with happy feelings for a long time.

* * *

Alec was settled on the sofa, still wrapped in a blanket much to his amusement. Magnus had made them both tea and they were sipping the warming liquid in a contented silence. Magnus was leaning into Alec’s side a little, relishing in having him back at home. He had missed the presence in his apartment. Each night after leaving Alec at the hospital, he had entered the eerie silence of his apartment and had felt like it wasn’t his home anymore. Now with Alec back, home felt like the best place to be.

They still hadn’t spoken about the first day of the hospital visit. Magnus had replayed it in his head so many times that he was beginning to question if it had even happened or if he’d dreamt it. The fact that Alec had still not responded just meant that he didn’t feel the same way about Magnus. He wasn’t going to force the feelings. He understood that Alec had a complicated past and probably didn’t want to rush into a relationship. Magnus decided not to bring it up again. He had told Alec how he felt, and now it was a case of waiting to see if Alec felt the same. No pressure.

As Alec finished his tea, he began to feel the lull of sleep seeping in. He rested his cheek against the side of Magnus’s head and closed his eyes. Breathing in the familiar smell of sandalwood and honey he let out a happy sigh and let sleep take over his body.

Magnus savoured the feeling of having Alec so close to him. He felt so relaxed in his presence that he soon joined Alec in the land of sleep.

* * *

The next morning, Magnus woke up on the sofa alone. He looked around, disorientated to find himself in a different place to his bed.

“Alexander?” He called out. Not hearing a response, he wrapped himself in the blanket to shield himself from the chilly air, and shuffled to Alec’s bedroom. The door was ajar, and he could see Alec sat on the floor cross-legged against the bed frame. He had the shoebox from his old apartment placed on his lap and he was crying silently over the contents. Magnus’s heart ached to hold him and dry the tears, so he knocked gently on the door and Alec looked up in shock.

“Magnus, I-“ he rasped.

“Shh, it’s okay darling, it’s okay,” Magnus interrupted. He didn’t need an explanation or an excuse from Alec. He was allowed to be sad and reminisce over whatever was in that box. Instead, Magnus pushed the door out of his way and stride over to a shivering Alec. He sat next to him against the bed, pressing their shoulders against each other’s and wrapping the blanket around them. He embraced Alec in a long hug, ensuring that Alec felt safe. Magnus patiently waited for Alec’s tears to subside, and then reached up with his sleeve to dry the track marks that remained on Alec’s cheeks.

“Thank you,” Alec whispered. Their faces were still close, their arms still wrapped around each other.

“Any time,” Magnus promised. He let a reassuring smile ghost his lips, and watched Alec’s gaze glance at them.

This would have been a perfect moment. But it wasn’t. Magnus wasn’t about to take advantage of Alec’s vulnerable state. He wasn’t going to let their first kiss be during a moment of sadness. So instead, he lifted his chin and placed a kiss on Alec’s forehead. Alec closed his eyes and breathed in the comforting scent while his face was close enough to Magnus’s neck to breathe it in.

This was what Alec needed right now; a comforting presence. A familiar person to tell his story to. A friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hesitate to comment! I love reading your thoughts/ideas on the chapters!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The past and the present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. It was hard to write!

They pulled away and Alec swallowed as he looked back down at the box on his lap. Magnus looked down too, and although he didn’t want to invade Alec’s privacy, he couldn’t help but notice the random objects in the box.

“They’re what’s left of that day…” Alec whispered. He seemed to be in his own thoughts. Magnus wasn’t even sure what to say to that. He was still unsure of what ‘day’ everyone was referring to.

“We were driving home, it was just a normal day.” Alec begun. His voice sounded far away, Magnus could seem him reliving the day. His eyes moved as if he was watching the scene from inside his mind – narrating it as he watched.

“Izzy was singing to the radio, Max was playing with his army soldiers – the little green ones, do you remember them?” Alec said to no one in particular. Magnus nodded anyway.  
Mum and dad were arguing again, not obviously, but I could see the looks they were giving each other when they thought we weren’t looking. The other two might’ve been oblivious but I could see. I could see cus it was about me. They were arguing again because I told them I was gay and they couldn’t handle it. Mum accepted it after a while, but… dad never really looked at me again. Not like he used to. They would shout sometimes when they thought we were asleep. It was all my fault. They died in an argument because of me. “ Alec swallowed hard. He had replayed this day in his head so many times, but never out loud. Hearing his own thoughts vocalised was making him shudder in emotional pain. He felt as if his heart hurt.

“Dad caught my eye in the rear-view mirror, and he just stared at me with such hate. I couldn’t look away. Nor could he. He didn’t see the other car coming. It hit us with such force, the whole car rolled for what felt like miles. My head kept hitting the roof, broken glass was cutting us everywhere, my seatbelt was cutting my neck, but all I could think about was Izzy and Max. Their screaming was so loud, they sounded so scared. I couldn’t help them; I couldn’t even focus to see them. And then it stopped and I never heard it again. I never heard any of them again.” Alec was sobbing now. Big rolls of tears were falling down his chin and onto his t-shirt. He was pinching his hand again, but so hard that Magnus thought it would bruise. He grabbed both of Alec’s hands in a firm grasps and held his body against his. Alec cried on Magnus’s shoulder once again, but this time with such desperation. He clung to Magnus, fisting his t-shirt, burying his head in the crook of Magnus’s neck as if he could hide from the memories.

“You don’t have to tell me any more Alexander. Not if you don’t want to.” Magnus murmured. He felt like he’d heard enough to understand why Alec was so scarred by his past. He could assume that no one else lived from that car accident. He didn’t need Alec to relive the memories just to explain to him.

But Alec shook his head. “No, I need to tell you. I’ve never told anyone else before. I need to face it.”

He wiped his face with his hands. Taking a big breath; “I don’t know how long we were there for, but when I woke up I could smell smoke. No one was moving. I just kept shouting at them all, I needed them to wake up; I didn’t know what to do. The car was upside down, Izzy was next to me and she was held in by her seatbelt, but her hair and her arms were hanging upside down, she looked like a doll that had been abused. I got myself out of the seatbelt and fell, I don’t know how but I managed to get Izzy out but I dragged her from the car and as I put her down and went to get Max, the car blew up. It was huge, this massive blast of smoke and fire and it sent me back. I hit my head on something and was out. When I woke up in hospital, they told me no one else made it. That I was all alone. They gave me this stuff; it was all that survived the fire apparently. It’s all that’s left of them.”

By this point, Magnus was also drowning in tears. He couldn’t imagine anything so horrible. To wake up and find your entire family had died. That you hadn’t been able to say goodbye. He held Alec with all his might, as if he was going to disappear too.

“It wasn’t your fault.” Magnus repeated in Alec’s ear. He refused to let him blame himself for such a horrible tragedy. He refused to let Alec punish himself any more.

“I didn’t know what to do Mags,” Alec whispered. “I was 18. I was allowed to leave on my own. I spent a month in that hospital, and when I got out, everything was the same. It was like nothing had changed. No body cared that my life had turned upside down, everyone just carried on living.” Alec sniffed and looked down at the objects. “I took these home with me. I didn’t really know what to do. I got home and everything was just as we’d left it. I couldn’t sleep there. I couldn’t even move! I just stood in the hallway. They were everywhere but no where at the same time, you know?”

Magnus nodded. The idea of returning home without his family… How do you continue?

“I had to get out of there. I wanted to disappear. I couldn’t face anyone. I don’t understand why I survived and they didn’t. They all had so much more to offer. I just left, I took a rucksack of clothes, the money I had, and these.” He gestured to the objects.

“May I?” Magnus asked.

Alec nodded. He pushed the box a little closer to Magnus, whom carefully picked up the first item. It was a little green army solider. Alec swallowed. “Max. He was my baby brother. He had only been in this world for twelve years. It’s not fair he had to be taken so young.” Silent tears streamed down Alec’s face.

Magnus placed it carefully back in the box and picked up the item next to it; a dainty glass perfume bottle. It was empty. “That was Izzy’s. There was perfume left in it, but I used to spray it on my pillow to remember her. She wore it everyday. I can still remember it.”

The next item was a wedding ring. It looked as if it was made of gold, with a beautiful blue sapphire welded to it. “My mother’s. It was her wedding ring. She told me that in her vows she promised never to take it off. I miss her more than anything.”

The last item in the box was a set of car keys. They were the only thing that still had ash and dirt casing them. Magnus stopped himself from picking these up. He had a feeling that these weren’t in the same sentimentality as the other items. They weren’t there for loving memories. They were there for a painful reminder.

“My dad’s keys. They were from the ignition. I don’t know how they survived the explosion.” With that, Alec shut the lid. He wanted to shut out the memories. It was getting too much. The pain he feels when he thinks about his dad is awful. He’ll never forget the hateful stare that ended his family.

* * *

“Thank you for telling me Alexander. Thank you for trusting me with that.”

Alec nodded. “I guess I feel safe talking to you. I know you won’t judge me, or hurt me if I say the wrong thing.” He was looking down at the box in his hands.

“Thank you for listening Mags.”

“Always.”

Alec put the box back under his bed. He slowly stood up, using the bed to support him. Holding out his hand, he helped Magnus up. Alec was about to walk out of the room, when Magnus pulled him back by his hand and drew him in for one last long hug. “Always,” he repeated.

* * *

Alec went to shower, and Magnus made breakfast for them both. He was still aware that Alec felt insecure about his body, so he set out a healthy spread of granola, fruit, and yoghurt instead of the sugary pancakes.

Alec appeared fresh-faced and smiling at the spread in front of him. They sat down and enjoyed their breakfast while making easy small talk. Magnus took a shower after, and then joined Alec on the sofa.

“What do you want to do today then?” He smiled at Alec.

They both had the day off due to Alec’s recovery and the restaurant being closed for the Easter period.

“We could go for a walk?” Alec suggested shyly.

This was the first Easter break that Alec was looking forward to since he was eighteen. He couldn’t wait to enjoy it with Magnus.

“Yeah that sounds like a great idea! Shall we take a picnic?” Magnus was beaming a broad smile at Alec. He loved the idea of spending time with him in the sunshine.

Alec nodded enthusiastically. They headed to the kitchen where Magnus pulled a picnic basket out of the pantry cupboard. Alec chuckled; he wasn’t even a little bit surprised that Magnus was so prepared. It was in typical Magnus-extravagant-fashion!

They filled the basket with a lunchbox of salad, sandwiches, a pot of olives, slices of prosciutto, and some homemade lemonade. Magnus could see the excitement radiating off of Alec and was pleased to see him happy after this morning’s occurrence. He pushed down the sad feeling that this was probably the first picnic Alec had been on since living with his family. Magnus decided to make sure Alec had many more happy experiences like this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picnic time!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is possibly the shortest chapter ever! But before you complain, it's here to build for the next one, which is much more interesting so please bare with!

As they sat enjoying their picnic, Magnus could sense there was something on Alec’s mind. He put it down to the morning’s conversation and tried to distract Alec with other topics. He succeeded with making Alec laugh as he did impressions of celebrities and shared funny anecdotes about customers at the restaurant. He told Alec all about the staff he had made friends with, how Clary and he had become close friends, and how some of the regulars knew him so well that they had bought him chocolates and wine for his birthday last year! Alec was enjoying hearing Magnus talk so fondly about his place of work. He was able to relate to the conversation and give his own anecdotes of Maia and his regulars at the bar. They had gotten to know Alec quite well and he had the feeling that some were aware of his past. He wasn’t exactly able to hide black eyes and limps from the people he saw almost every night.

Even with all the laughter and funny stories, Alec’s mind still wandered back to Magnus’s confession at the hospital. He wanted to tell Magnus that he felt the same, and that maybe he was ready to be with someone that would actually love him and care for him. He wasn’t sure how to bring it up. He wasn’t even sure if Magnus still felt the same way. It could have just been a panicked feeling he had confessed to during a stressful situation. Magnus hadn’t brought it up since, so maybe he was regretting it. Maybe he had hoped Alec would forget it.

Feeling brave, Alec decided to test Magnus’s responses to little flirtations during the picnic. If he still felt the same way then surely he’d reciprocate them?  
Alec leaned back and touched Magnus’s arm lightly as he laughed at the latest story of Magnus and Clary’s antics. He might have imagined it, but did Magnus just hitch his breath at the touch? Alec felt like electricity had just sparked at his fingers, so surely Magnus must have felt something too.

He lay back, pondering about the feeling. Magnus soon joined him, and they began watching the clouds float by, as they lay side by side on the picnic blanket. There was a space in between their bodies and Alec rested his arm in the space, hoping that Magnus would take the hint and do the same. He realised that Magnus’s hand was already there and he flinched the tiniest bit when he felt their fingertips graze each other’s. Alec held his breath. He wasn’t the sort of person that makes the first move. His bravery was wavering as he waited for Magnus to show some sort of sign.

Magnus glanced at Alec out of the corner of his eye. He watched as his hand inched closer towards his until their fingertips were close enough to touch. Magnus was sure that this was Alec trying to make a move. He bit his lip and moved his hand so that it fully rested on top of Alec’s. Alec let out his breath in relief and turned his hand over so their fingers could intertwine. He continued to stare up at the sky but his face broke out into a massive smile. Magnus squeezed Alec’s hand reassuringly, which encouraged eye contact from Alec. He was still smiling but now Magnus could see the smile reached his sparkling eyes.

“Hey,” Magnus smirked.

“Hi,” Alec shyly replied, biting his lip to try and contain his smile a bit. He failed.

They shuffled closer together so there was no distance between them and they continued to cloud-watch for a few hours, filling the comfortable silence with the occasional comment of how a cloud looked like an elephant….

* * *

It was growing dark, and they realised that they had spent more or less the entire day in the park. Neither of them wanted to finish this incredible day yet. They decided to go to Alec’s bar for a drink. While they walked, Alec instinctively reached for Magnus’s hand and wound his fingers around it firmly.

Magnus looked down at their hands and back up at Alec, beaming a genuine smile at the gesture.

“Is this okay?” Alec asked.

“It’s more than okay Alexander.” Magnus swung their arms gently as they walked, earning a chuckle from Alec.

They entered Maia’s bar and she grinned at the sight of the happy pair. As they walked through to an empty table in the corner, Alec greeted a few of the regulars that had stopped to say hi. This really felt like a safe space for him.

Magnus ordered some drinks and sat with Alec as they sipped their pints.

“So, I don’t want to pressure you to give me an answer… but can I assume that you may feel what I feel?” Magnus asked hesitantly. He didn’t want to scare Alec or pressure him, but he needed to know what Alec was thinking. He wanted to make sure they were on the same page.

“Yeah, I think I do.” Alec smiled, looking down at his lap. “You make me feel safe, and you know how to make me laugh. I’m always happy when I’m with you Magnus and I know you’d never hurt me. I find myself thinking about you when you’re not around… Actually I think about you when you are around too,” Alec huffed a laugh.

Magnus let out a beautiful laugh at the last comment. His eyes crinkled and his white teeth shone. Alec took the moment to really look at Magnus to memorise his beauty and his sparkle. Magnus caught the stare and bit his lip. They were sat close enough for their legs to be touching and they leaned closer in anticipation. Magnus brought his hand up to hold Alec’s cheek and smiled at him with love in his eyes.

Alec felt the warmth in his heart and the butterflies in his stomach as he brought his lips closer to Magnus’s and captured them in a gentle embrace. Magnus relished in the moment, wanting to make it last for ever. He could feel his heart racing and they continued to kiss. Moving their lips gently against each others and enjoying the soft touches. Drawing back, Alec blushed.

“Yeah, I definitely feel the way you feel.”

Magnus chuckled and brought Alec back for more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About time, right?!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec struggles to get past the memories of Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! It's been hard finding the time to write, so hopefully you enjoy this chapter!

Feeling the sun warm his face, Alec smiled. His eyes fluttered open as he woke up alone in his bed, feeling happier than he had for a long time. He reflected back to the happenings of last night and grinned to himself. He had finally had the courage to share his feelings with Magnus.

Swinging his legs out of bed, Alec began getting ready for the day ahead. His body still ached from his altercation with Steve, but he was determined to ignore it. He didn’t want anything more to do with his past. He wanted to focus on the future instead, his future with Magnus. Taking a deep breath, Alec forced the pain to subside and his memories to bury deep down. Nothing was going to stop him having a great day with Magnus.

“Good morning Alexander!” Magnus called through his bedroom door. He could hear movement from Alec’s bedroom and patiently waited in the kitchen for him to appear. Coffee in hand, he beamed a bright smile as he leant against the worktop. He was in a moment of bliss as he thought about the step him and Alec had taken the night before. They had finally shared their first kiss, and it had exceeded way beyond what Magnus had dreamt.

Alec makes his way out of the bedroom and toward Magnus. He can’t hide the happiness radiating off of him as he embraces the gentle kiss on the cheek Magnus delivers. They stay in the close proximity of each other and take in the smiles and gentle touches of their hands on each other’s waists. It was a picture-perfect moment. Alec was about to lean in to kiss the desirable lips of the man in front of him, when he was startled by an egg timer going off.

Magnus chuckled at the response; “I’m making _pain au chocolat_ ,” with a proud lift of his chin.

Alec’s eyebrows rose in an impressed surprise, “wow, what’s the special occasion?”

“You of course, Alexander, well… Us.” Magnus pulled Alec towards him and reached up to plant a lingering kiss on Alec’s lips.

“I could get used to this,” Alec smirked and returned the kiss.

* * *

Putting the plates by the sink, Alec started on the washing up. They had enjoyed a lovely relaxed morning, sitting out on the balcony with fresh orange juice, and the pastries that Magnus had made. The fresh air wafted through the balcony doors and the sun warmed their skin. It had been a perfect and brilliantly domestic morning. Rinsing the dishes, he swayed his hips to the music that Magnus was playing from the balcony. He chuckled at the sound of Magnus singing along.

As Alec moved the plate to the drying rack on the worktop, it slipped through his wet hands and shattered against the kitchen floor with a loud smash. Alec gasped at the sound and looked down at the plate in panic. Magnus ran through the balcony doors towards him; “Alec, are you okay?! What was that?” he called.

Alec’s eyes widened as he registered that Magnus had called him ‘Alec’. Translating it to mean that Magnus was angry with him, he began profusely apologising and bent down quickly to pick up the large shards of porcelain that were scattered on the floor.

Magnus shouted for him to wait, but it was too late as he saw the blood run from Alec’s fingers. “Alexander, why would you do that? Look at your hands!”

“I’m so sorry Magnus, I didn’t mean to, I’m really sorry. Please don’t be angry, I don’t want you to be angry,” Alec looked like a deer in headlights. His eyes were shining and he was freaking out.

Magnus stopped abruptly and took in what was going on. He realised that Alec was expecting him to be mad; he was expecting him to hurt Alec because he had made a mess. Magnus swallowed and bent down to where Alec was kneeling, desperately trying to pick up all the sharp pieces. He reached out for Alec’s hands and stopped him from picking up any more. Alec’s head shot up to look at Magnus in confusion.

“It’s okay, Alexander. It was an accident,” Magnus spoke with a gentle yet assertive voice.

Alec looked down at his hands, full of glistening red pieces of porcelain. “I didn’t mean to,” he whispered.

“I know darling, I’m not angry. I promise.” Magnus stood up and lead Alec to the sink. He ran the cold tap and gently rinsed the shards off of Alec’s hands. Now that they were clean of blood, he could see the multiple slices in his skin. Stealing a glance at Alec, Magnus could see that the cuts weren’t even registering with Alec. He looked withdrawn and sad.

Magnus wrapped both hands in clean tea towels and took Alec to the kitchen table to sit down. Kneeling in front of Alec, he reassuringly rubbed Alec’s knee as he came to terms with what had happened. Clearly, Alec had expected a reaction from Magnus that he would have gotten from Steve. Magnus knew it would take time to for Alec to realise that he wasn’t Steve, and that he wasn’t going to hurt him.

“Alexander, you don’t have to panic when you make a mistake. It’s okay that you dropped the plate. I drop things all the time, don’t I?” He smiled in response.  
“And when you do make a mistake, you need to know that I’m not going to hurt you or be angry with you. I am here to support you and help you, darling. You can be yourself around me, you are safe here.” He spoke in a soothing voice that visibly calmed Alec.

A stray tear fell from Alec’s eyes and he looked into Magnus’s.

“I’m sorry for ruining this perfect morning.” He whispered.

“Darling, you haven’t ruined anything. As long as I’m with you, every moment is perfect.”

He stood up and brought Alec into a long tight hug. Alec nuzzled his face into Magnus’s hair and Magnus burrowed into Alec’s neck.

Alec closed his eyes and took deep breaths as he mentally reminded himself he wasn’t with Steve. He was safe.

* * *

Alec had to go back to work that evening. He reassured Magnus that he was fine and could handle going to work by himself. Looking back at that, he wished he had let Magnus escort him. The roads were dark and every time he heard footsteps, he had to look back and make sure it wasn’t Steve following him.

When he finally made it to the warm glow of the bar, he sighed in relief and went inside to find Maia. She greeted him with a warm hug and a huge smile. She was happy to see him back at work; she had missed his friendly face.

They chatted idly as Alec tied his barman apron around his waist and washed his hands. He winced slightly as the hot water invaded his cuts from this morning and Maia glanced down and frowned.

“Alec, what the hell are these?” she demanded.

“It’s nothing, I dropped a plate this morning,” Alec brushed it off casually.

Scoffing in disbelief, Maia fought him on the topic. “You really think I’d believe that after all you’ve been through? Alec, did Magnus do this to you? Did you do this to yourself? Tell me.”

Alec frowned, he couldn’t believe she was accusing Magnus after all the things he had done for him. “Of course not! I was trying to pick the pieces up and I wasn’t careful enough, that’s all”.  
“That doesn’t sound like you Alec, is everything okay?” Maia’s voice dropped to a more gentle tone. She was honestly just trying to protect her employee/friend.

Alec seemed to be thinking about his answer. He sighed and looked down at his hands. “I guess, when I dropped the plate my mind sent me back to my old apartment. I just remembered how angry Steve would get if I made a mess or broke something and I panicked and tried to clear it up before Magnus could have the chance to be angry at me…”

“And was he angry?”

“No, not at all,” Alec let out a huff of air. “He cleaned my hand and told me that he wasn’t mad. He was worried about me cutting myself. I guess I’m not used to that reaction.” He shrugged.

“You know it’ll take time to get over all the things that happened with Steve. You were with him for a long time Alec, you can’t just forget everything overnight.”

“I know, I just wish I could.” Alec chewed his lip as he tried once more to shut out the memories of Steve. Why was it so hard to forget someone that was so terrible? Why couldn’t he let go of all those awful memories? Why couldn’t he let himself be happy?

Alec continued to work his shift until finally the bar closed and he was allowed to go home. Maia, being the overly concerned boss that she is, drove him home. Sincerely thanking her, Alec said good-bye and headed up to his and Magnus’s home.

Magnus had fallen asleep on the sofa with a book and a glass of wine. His reading glasses were precariously balanced on his nose and were tilting from leaning on the sofa. Alec couldn’t help but feel his heart warm at the sight before him. He didn’t want to disturb Magnus, but he also knew that the sofa wasn’t the most comfortable place to sleep all night. Nudging his shoulder gently, Magnus stirred just enough to be guided slowly to his room. He was mumbling incoherently and kept his eyes almost completely closed.

Alec watched fondly as Magnus curled up in a ball in his bed. Bringing the covers up and tucking them in, he couldn’t help but feel complete. Maybe he could be happy after all. He leant down to give Magnus a kiss on the forehead and felt a hand wrap around his arm.

“Please stay, I’ve missed you.” Magnus whispered.

Alec paused, unsure of the right protocol. Sure, they were dating now? If dating was the right word, they hadn’t specifically spoken about dating. But was it okay to share a bed? Would Magnus expect things to heat up? Looking down at Magnus’s half unconscious form; he suspected there wouldn’t be any sexual attempts tonight. Alec cautiously peeled back the cover and slid in so that Magnus was facing him. He heard a happy sigh from Magnus and felt a warm arm snake around his torso. Magnus shifted so that his head was lying on top of Alec’s chest and nuzzled closer. Alec smiled at how well their bodies fitted together.

“Thank you Alexander,” he whispered before drifting to sleep.

* * *

They spend the next few days in a comfortable routine. They both sleep in Magnus’s bed, cuddling close and enjoying each other’s presence. Realising they sleep better together, neither have wanted to go back to sleeping in their own beds.

Waking up together has been heavenly too. Feeling the warmth from the body next to them, hearing each other’s heartbeats, tasting the morning kisses; it’s almost like a honeymoon period.

Alec has been working every day at the moment to make up for the time he has had off. Magnus is back to working at the restaurant now that it’s open again, and the domestic routine of enjoying breakfast, and falling asleep with each other has been homely.

On Sunday, it happens to be both of their days off, so Magnus decided to treat Alec to a romantic date night. He decided not to mention anything yet, but to keep it all a surprise. It was easy to plan whilst Alec was at work, and he was confident it would be just romantic enough but not to the point where Alec would feel uncomfortable. He decided on an intimate evening, away from crowds of people so that Alec would feel more relaxed. He couldn't wait to see what Alec thought of his plans... 


End file.
